Monk was passing through. Some villagers saw him pissing on a statue of Buddha so they grabbed their pitchforks and went to pitchfork him. “Show me where Buddha is not, and I shall piss there.” said the monk.
Some Buddha once told me Rebirth was gonna roll me…
My favorite Buddhist tale is that of the Chinese monk Birdsnest, so called because he always hung out in a tree.
Now, Birdsnest was famous and highly regarded, and a governor heard of him and decided to seek him out. The governor travelled for days to reach birdsnest, and when he arrived, he asked “hey, birdsnest, what was it that all the Buddhas taught?” Basically, dude was asking for a one sentence summary of religion, like the famous tale of economic study resulting in the one sentence summary of “no such thing as a free lunch”.
Birdsnest answered “Don’t do bad things, only do good things.”
The governor scoffed, and said “my three year old nephew knows that!”
“Easy enough for the three year old to understand,” Birdsnest retorted, “but still very difficult for the sixty year old to do.”
A monkey was in a tree above a river and plunged into it. He came out with a fish and scurried up a tree. Once safe in its branches he said to the fish, “Holy shit, good thing I was here. You were about to drown!”
Intention without awareness can be harmful.
Another one is the two monks.
Two monks are traveling. Their sect of Buddhism doesn’t allow them to touch women. They came across a river and when they crossed it they saw a woman who capsized her canoe. The elder Monk swam to the woman and helped her to the shore. She hurt her leg so he carried her to the rest of her party.
Once they were traveling again, the younger monk continued to badger the elder Monk on why he thought it was okay to touch that woman. The elder Monk said, “I am no longer carrying that woman. Why do you insist on continuing to carry her?”
I’d never heard the former, but I adore the latter. I also really enjoy the tale of the horse that came back.
Finally some good ones, so far down the list, relayed by Fender Rinpoche no less. The best of these parables should be a bit of a brain teaser imo, have an element of surprise at least. Open up new ways of thinking about the world, and leave some room for contemplation.
I’ve been looking for a book that is a collection of them
Yeah I was thinking the same though it might be hard to find the right collection for you.
Highly regarded indeed.
Add meditation and thats the succinct version of the 8fold path.
Meditation might be implicit tho, and therefore not worth mentioning.
It is better to cum in the sink than to sink in the cum
The word of the Lord, amen. 🙏
The hungry tiger jataka is my favorite
"One day, the Bodhisattva and one of his disciples decided to take a stroll in the forest nearby. This had become a regular practice. They often went for strolls.
While they were walking, the Bodhisattva notices something extremely terrifying. He saw a tigress, which looked weak and hungry. The tigress was about to devour her own cubs. Now, that moved the Bodhisattva’s heart. He did not want the poor animal to suffer the guilt of eating her own cubs. So, he came up with an idea.
He sent his disciple back to do something. The Bodhisattva had decided that he would offer himself as food to the starving tigress. He simply could not let her eat her cubs. And he knew if his disciple had seen this, he would definitely stop the Bodhisattva from offering himself. You may also like to read, The Tiger And The Golden Bangle.
After the disciple is gone, the Bodhisattva approached the tigress. With the utmost compassion in his heart and no malice, he let the tigress devour him. The tigress ate him and fed the cubs as well. After a while, the disciple returned. When he saw the Bodhisattva’s blood stained clothes, he realized what had happened.
He knew the Bodhisattva well. So, he knew the hermit had offered himself to save the tigress. He went back and told his fellow disciples of the Bodhisattva’s sacrifice out of love and compassion. "
I think I figured out why Bodhisattvas went extinct.
Nah, they just get reborn. Like, ping
The problem is that tigers have a taste for Bodhisattvas now.
… What?
6 paragraphs for ‘old mate fed himself to a tiger’.
While they were walking, the Bodhisattva notices something extremely terrifying. He saw a tigress, which looked weak and hungry. The tigress was about to devour her own cubs. Now, that moved the Bodhisattva’s heart. He did not want the poor animal to suffer the guilt of eating her own cubs. So, he came up with an idea.
He sliced the disciple’s throat, and enjoyed the remainder of his walk in silence.
Upon seeing the blood stained clothes, the disciple said ‘Hey I was hungry, too! Fucking weirdo.’
The disciple was named Colonel Sanders and this was his inspiration to invent the hamberder and never be hungry again.
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Fasting grampa wants his life to matter, so feeds himself to Tiger instead of just bringing in another food source. Tiger gives no shits. But Grandpa lovers think his sacrifice was beautiful instead of unnecessary.
Not the Buddhist teaching. But my interpretation.
And one MAGA supporters should definitley read.
Yeah well this is why I think that kind of shit is not for me. Sounds cool and all no judgy but you know I have few other things on my mind other than being animal food
Enjoy yourselves however if that’s your thing (or rather let others enjoy you)
I think I am gonna focus on pleasantries of today thank you very much
Buddha wants a “peace” of pizza.
You’ll get it after fasting for 20 days straight I’ve heard.
The loneliest goat sees the last sunset last
If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, the pizza was cooked long ago.
Came here for this
koans fucking with white people is just a fringe benefit TBH
One story that stands out to me is there were these warriors who fought a hundred dudes consecutively and then one guy who fought 100 of those warriors consecutively and then Buddha killed him instantly.
He was tired from fighting all those other dudes. Of course he killed him
Dopest shit I’ve ever heard. Bastards established powerlevels before the Roman empire
I don’t get it.
Bible stories are the same way, we’ve just heard them a million times so they don’t seem weird
“Hey Jesus what toppings do you want for pizza?”
“Plain with cheese”
Later the disciples are eating pizza with Jesus
"“Hey Jesus why did you say you like cheese pizza when you normally order pepperoni?”
“You dumb fucks how dare you not understand my hidden meaning, I am the true pizza and you are the pepperoni, the grease is my blood”
“Oh of course, sorry boss”
Its almost like nonsensical parables are a recurring theme in religions in general and we shouldn’t be assuming a bunch of mystical morons from a thousand years ago knew any better.
A lot of the “nonsensical” comes from translation issues.
You’re not a Hebrew farmer living in the middle east 2000 years ago, and the parable has been translated from ancient Hebrew to Greek, then to Latin, then finally into English.
The same goes for buddhist parables
I’ve read that some of these parables originally had clever word play.
That’s a really good point, thanks for bringing that up
Clearly you just failed to grasp Jesus’s message. And truly I say unto you, there shall be no pizza but through him, and occasionally at work to prevent unions from being discussed.
May your marinara be forever spicy.
Where have you heard them a million times? I guess you grew up in a far less secular country.
The US. I grew up in the central and southern US and the shit is (or perhaps was) inescapable.
“Jesus… when you say ‘get me off this fucking cross, so help me God’… is that a test? Or should we actually get you off the cross?”
( More ranting and screaming and moaning )
The disciples nod wisely at their leader’s self-sacrifice for… their sins maybe? And he will always be immortal in their hearts, because they’ve already eaten him or something.
The disciples go home, wiser and holier and warily eyeing each other in confirmation of the deeper meaning behind their saviour’s last words: “Guys, please, I’m not fucking around, get me down, please, I’m so fucking thirsty… Jesus fucking christ”
… And one day, Jesus saw a fig tree. It was not the season for figs, and so there were no figs on the fig tree. But still, Jesus wanted a fig. He was upset there were no figs, and so he cursed the tree to never bear fruit again. If he couldn’t have a fig, no one could! Probably bathed its roots in a thin stream of uric acid, I don’t know.
Point is, that fig tree never made another fig, and when his followers asked how, Jesus zipped up his pants and said “if you believe in me, you can do anything. Not only can you totally curse trees to death, you can fuckin’ teleport mountains into the ocean. That’d be sick, dude.”
- The Book of Dave, 69:66-6
Thought that one always tied back to the whole “you shall know them by their fruits” thing.
As in those who talk nice but don’t produce anything useful (like a fig tree that doesn’t produce figs, just leaves) are not really doing what Jesus said. Don’t be like the Pharisees hollering out in the streets, just love God and do good in the world.
Yes but it’s still weird because it wasn’t the right time of year for it to have fruit. The tree would have if Jesus hadnt been a dick.
Well then you’re back to Ecclesiastes. Everything in its season etc.
Idk, I was just trying to put the best argument forward, but l’m not really a fan of the New Testament in part because of its inconsistency.
There is a story in the Apocrypha (decanonized Bible books) where childhood Jesus turns another kid into a tree. I like to think it’s the same tree.
I think you’re confusing the testaments, Jesus was ultimately a great guy as far as I can tell. The God used to be extremely cruel and vengeful in the old testament, though.
This is a common misconception, if you dig into it you’ll see that God is basically the same in both old and new testaments. Nobody talked about hell more than Jesus.
You mean Gehenna, the literal place that was just a garbage dump around the corner? “Don’t go to that place, man, it sucks. Somebody lit a trash pile on fire two weeks ago and it’s still burning now. It’s gross.”
Or did you mean Hades, the place John (no, not that John (probably)) wrote about many years after Jesus’s death? In the book of Revelation, the whole of which is full of obvious symbolic imagery? A) not Jesus and B) still not “hell”.
Ohhhhh you were talking about Dante Alighieri, the guy born twelve hundred years later, who invented our modern concept of hell whole cloth.
“Hell”, a translation of any of the three words Gehenna, Hades, and Tartarus, show up anywhere between 13 and 23 times in the entire new testament. That wide range is due to differences in translations and source texts.
Nobody talks about Jesus talking about hell more than modern preachers who profit off of making people fearful. You know, the exact people Jesus would have thrashed out of the temple with a whip.
Lol? Read Matthew 21:18-46
I never told you he wasn’t goofy, ay!
… my original comment was a beat for beat parody of that passage…
You’re right, I somehow must’ve been distracted when replying to your second comment and totally lost a grip on what we were talking about
In response to calling a prophet bald:
“So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.” -New King James bible, 2 Kings 2:24
This is the real way to turn the other cheek
My childhood bestie’s dad was one of the only bald men in our church. He pulled out this story every time anyone in our youth group mentioned it.
Yeah, Kings is wild.
I think I can explain. In Buddhism, you have to understand if he didn’t the last into the pizza, but from where I stand it simply is. I hope that helps.
What
If you have to ask, then you don’t know
The fool asks ‘What?’
The wise man interjects ‘What’
The enlightened silently nods and thinks ‘WTAF’
Induction technique
I suddenly feel enlightened.
Beautiful words.
I certainly recognize most of them.
Realistic yakub is frightening
Peace be upon him 🙏
The Buddhist Monk walks up to the hot dog vendor and says: “make me one with everything.”
The monk pays with a twenty, which the vendor pockets.
“Where’s my change?”
“Change comes from within.”
are they just trying to fuck with white people?
Not just white people, but people in general.
That’s Hinduism, not Buddhism.
Buddhism is a refinement of hinduism. Kamasutra is just one part of hinduism. There are philosophies like Advaita which are more complex than entire western theosophies.
Also, Zeus
TIL the Kama Sutra is just an average Netflix show released 140 years too early.
What kinds of Netflix shows are you watching?
