I’ve been lurking on Bsky, a new replacement for social media, and women seem to be entirely uninterested in talking to men in most cases. They’ll say that things like they’re looking for new female friends, they love seeing beautiful women in their feed, they reply to other women who comment on their posts… But they tend to ignore men entirely. Even if a guy is just being platonic or speaking in a similar manner to a woman, they’re completely ignored. To test this, I changed my profile picture to that of a female anime avatar but I didn’t change my tone or manner of speaking at all. All of a sudden, I had people replying to me, saying nice things, being responsive to me. It’s like they assumed I was female, so I was ok to respond to.
Why do women avoid men so much?
Along with the other feedback here… what timeframe is involved here?
Since the US election, misogyny online has skyrocketed. Guys who previously wrote pretty much normal stuff started saying things like “your body, my choice.”
In this environment, I’d be pretty careful about who I chatted with.
That said, as others have mentioned, a lot of those “women” are likely men trying to connect with women.
The answer is actually pretty simple. They all used to, at some point. But then they started having bad experiences, and there were clear trends. Now, because of classical conditioning, they avoid those experiences. Is the filter perfect? No, of course not. But it’s good enough.
TL;DR: Bad men start by talking the same way you do.
Why do women avoid men so much?
They perceive men to be threats, nuisances, duplicitous, and generally contemptible, so it’s primarily out of fear.
Whether it’s justified, conditioned, misplaced, or outright misandry is hotly debated, but it’s my opinion that the roots of the fear of men is a very human epigenetic, prehistoric, and primal fear of the “other”; in this case, the “other” is a man.
Because a lot of guys online are fucking creeps who want relationships and not just friendships.
guys online are fucking creeps who want relationships
Hmmm
A good example of taking something out of context :D
Dude’s a Trumpanzee.
maybe the women responding to you are men with female avatars. just let people be people and you be you.
Joke’s on you, all the users with female avatars are just men desperately trying to talk to women on Bluesky.
Ah, I see you also remember the ancient rule of the internet: there are no women on the internet
Given a non insignificant amount of women migrated to Bluesky because of thinly veiled threats of SA from xitter; meeting strange blokes online probably isn’t high on the “must do” list. Hell even without the xitter shitfight that probably holds.
Even if a guy is just being platonic or speaking in a similar manner to a woman
This probably comes from a life with no shortage of blokes trying to get their foot in the door under the guise of “friendship”.
“hey let’s be friends!”
10 minutes later
“soooo… when we fuckin?”
“haha”
“Just kidding… Unless?”
This probably comes from a life with no shortage of blokes trying to get their foot in the door under the guise of “friendship”.
So if a guy talks plainly and non-aggressively, like a normal and rational person with no insensitive comments or uncomfortable flirting… They can’t be friends? I guess that’s my confusion. I remember the world when I grew up being a bit more simple.
Not when all your other mates all tried the same thing, then flipped completely.
The world when you grew up was filled with men doing this exact thing, the concept of the friend zone has been around forever and even before that, women didn’t really have a choice.
Plenty of men who didn’t take no for an answer, and wore down the woman until they said yes.
They can, once the two meet. But the women are often in situations where nine other men have seemed to be doing that, then got creepy. So for their safety they don’t engage.
It’s a social media site, not a dating site so maybe it’s just what they say? Maybe they just want to meet other female friends? Have you never wanted to hang out with just your guy friends and do guy stuff before?
Maybe they’re just looking to make new friends and don’t want a bunch of thirsty guys hitting on them in their DMs?
It is not what they are on Bluesky for.
By current standards, clearly that’s bigotry and intolerance. /s
But srsly, it’s been explained to me (via banning) that being uncomfortable around someone is bigotry and there’s no excuse. I don’t agree, having known two women who were raped, and a third who came out of an abusive marriage and said she was terrified of being alone with a man. So I wouldn’t jump to a label, but that’s just me.
Perhaps you might benefit from some inward reflection? Presuming your observations to be accurate, why does it bother you? If women had good reason, or any reason, to distrust or avoid men, how would that change how you interact with them? What drives you to seek the kinds of interactions with women that your desiring? Is there anything in how you speak with women that might not be very inviting to further conversation?
The internet is a funny place. People are very often not who they seem to be. Usernames and avatars often portray a person in a way that mismatches the person behind the keyboard. Even when people use their real name and a true photo, they can end up being very different than who you might think. This happens in everyday life, including face to face IRL relationships.
What are you looking for in such interactions, DuckWrangler? Does it align with what they are hoping for?
When women read your post here, how might they perceive what you’ve written? Would they be put off? Why? Do the presumptions bother them? Do they sense entitlement that puts them off? Do they sense someone with ulterior motives? Again, why?
When women read your post here, how might they perceive what you’ve written? Would they be put off? Why? Do the presumptions bother them? Do they sense entitlement that puts them off? Do they sense someone with ulterior motives? Again, why?
Yes. This reads of an entitled “nice dude” with ulterior motives. The kind who DMs “hey”
These are the questions you need to ask yourself. The issue here isn’t women, they’re not a hive-minded conglomerate.
“Men” includes a lot of scum, especially with online anonymity
Lived experiences make it difficult to take anyone online seriously.
My experience is the opposite of yours. Most of the replies to comments I make are women, and I’ve had some nice discussions with them. I’m male, and have my face as my picture currently.
Are you good looking?
I’m average, I’d say. My partner says otherwise, but she’s biased. I haven’t always had my face on there though and the previous picture was of a road. I’m sure there’s a bias based on perceived attractiveness, but I really don’t think that has much to do with the level, or quality, of the interactions I’ve experienced.
