Freshness?
That’s a giant no. All of the stuff that makes a fart smell like a fart are too volatile to store.
Yeah, the main constituents are stable enough, but methane alone does not a fart make. Besides, not all farts contain methane.
The stuff that smells is what matters for freshness. Hydrogen sulfide (rotten egg), methanethiole (cabbage-like), scatole & indole (poop smell), dimethyl sulfide (garlicky) are the ones that are less than pleasant.
But there’s stuff like lemonine and pinene as well. They don’t smell unpleasant to most people, but in the wrong proportions, they can contribute to unpleasantness alongside others.
And all that’s just the main, common ones. You get traces of stuff like cadaverine sometimes.
The thing most (actually all, but I want to give leeway for the internet) of that have in common isn that they react with other things to some degree or another. They interact with each other in an enclosed space. Hydrogen sulfide is (iirc), the most stable of them, but it isn’t exactly going to sit unchanged in a container forever with the other ones.
There’s actually a decent amount of research into the digestive processes that involve gasses because they’re a big indicator of how things are working in the gut. There’s patterns of flatulence contents that vary between people with various digestive issues (like IBS, and IBD in terms of chronic conditions). Active infections change the patterns during infection, and may cause long term changes as well.
An interesting side note is that the chemicals that make farts is that they’re also found in rotting bodies, and rotting vegetation, though the proportions and exact chemicals vary between all of those. Digestion is controlled decay, if you want a pithy little phrase to piss off pedants :)
It isn’t even an inaccurate phrase; a lot of what happens in decomposition of animals (including humans) is driven by enzymes and bacteria, including the same ones found in our gut. But it’ll piss off pedants anyway, because it isn’t exactly the same thing.
There’s a reason that feces, flatulence, rot, bad breath, and even burning things can share smells in common. There’s a reason skunk spray, or musk, or even stale sweat have similarities that our noses can detect. Chemistry, chemical reactions.
They’re also partially done by itty bitty critters crawling on and in everything. Those smells in our farts, poop, and rotting flesh are all germ farts. They’re the waste products of bacteria (and fungi) eating our waste, the waste of everything. Those microbes are chemical factories.
It’s pretty fucking cool.
So we need to freeze our farts and thaw them out when we need them. Got it.
when we need them
Loooool
That’s incredible. Do you have like a PhD in flatulometry?
Tbh, I could probably fake it and get away with it as long as nobody dug too deep. For a while, anyway lol
Just an interested party for multiple reasons, none of them kink related (I promise, even though saying it means nobody will ever believe it)
You could get one of those fancy fake PhD papers printed out for you. It should say you got a degree in flatulometry from the university of Arse, Indonesia. Add more toilet puns just to make sure people stop by and actually read all of it when visiting your office where you have this paper on display.
Which is the chemical responsible for the overlap in smells between some of my farts and Wendy’s chicken nuggets? Help me Booty-wan, you’re my only hope
That would likely be more the retained lipids. Does your poo float well? If so, that’s likely the cause.
Acrolin (spelling may be wrong, I’m too tired too look it up lol) is the main chemical you smell from over heated oils. There’s also several types of aldehydes made as a byproduct of digesting fats, and they’ll tend to be more present when the fats didn’t get totally broken down.
But that’s usually something you smell more in poop than flatus. What you’re smelling in the gas is most likely traces akin to the levels of things like cadaverine that aren’t a main component produced as a gas the way hydrogen sulfide is.
That’s best guess.
If your poo is floating most of the time, and you’re smelling that distinct fried food aroma, might want to cut back on your fat intake a little. Or switch more to polyunsaturated fats at least. It’s okay if poo floats sometimes, but it should be either neutral buoyant, or sinking most of the time. If there’s enough fat that it floats regularly, that’s almost always a sign that you’re taking in too much, too often. Polyunsaturated fats won’t change that, but at least they’re a teeny bit less problematic healthwise (as of current best practices I’m aware of).
If it’s not floating, or the smell isn’t coming along with fatty foods, get your gall bladder checked just to be extra, extra safe. Something like half the people I’ve known that ended up having theirs removed had issues with their poo looking and smelling funny, often with higher fat levels and unusual smelling gas. Not saying it’s some kind of “oh my god” thing, it’s just being super cautious.
They typically sink and they don’t have that particular scent component. Apparently, I’ve been living with bad info on buoyancy apparently because a couple decades Oprah said it’s supposed to float. As for fat intake, I cycle on and off with keto (high fat, low carb) but can’t say these farts occur during keto. I would also note it’s some scent very specific to Wendy’s nugs that I don’t smell anywhere else. Maybe it’s just a particular spice? It’s not present in the fries so I don’t think it’s specifically the oil. I appreciate your educated guess. I was hoping literally anyone else would have this experience. My wife concurs about the similarity of smells but the production is solely my talent.
Collect your fart while taking a bath. Submerge an open jar, once it’s full of water, invert the jar and position it above the collection zone. Any farts released will bubble into the jar in their full potency. Lid the jar, label it, and refrigerate for maximum freshness.
Here is a demonstration for those who need a visual. No actual farting takes place in this video I promise.
haha, this is amazing. The only thing I would add to that video is to lift the base of the jar out of the water while the rim is still submerged before putting on the lid. Otherwise the jar will have a positive pressure and the fart will explode out when the lid is opened.
And yet, somehow, I’ve very recently seen a video of someone actually farting into a bath jar.
So did I haha, but I found this one first and figured it was a better example.
As hilarious as this is, it doesn’t really address the question of whether farts will maintain their potency in a jar, or if they’ll degrade in the presence of air.
If farts never lost their potency, the entire planet should be unbearable by now.
The collection method the way it’s described prevents it from coming into contact with air (just water), but you bring up an excellent point I hadn’t considered, which is that maybe millions of years of farts are to blame for the current state of things
Step 1: do not poop for three days straight
Step 2: Eat beans
Step 4: shit your pants
Wait, where is step 3???
Step 5: Profit
What are you planning on doing with this information?
Well if they’re an e-girl they’re going to sell it online for a hundred bucks.
Establishing my legacy.
Short answer - Yes. https://stinkycandlecompany.com/products/fart-candle
Longer answer - all smellable scents are composed of chemicals that our scent receptors can understand, primarily by having the chemical compounds actually arrive into our noses and touch the receptors. What that means is that a fart is composed of very fine “shit particles” that float about till they enter your nose and cause you to smell it.
While an individual fart may be difficult or impossible to bottle, since it contains very few particles needed to either store or replicate successfully, the existence of fart candles displays that farts can be emulated by scent manufacturers by studying the chemical composition of farts.
I wonder how many farts it would have taken for scent manufacturers to successfully replicate a particularly pungent fart!
If all farts are just methane gas, why don’t they all smell as delightful as mine?
Because they are not only methane gas. There are other chemicals mized in different amounts.
You should know this, Wesker. It was you that took the documents.
I’m familar with developing an airborne pathogen, but not how to consistently ensure it smells of fart. This is research.
I’m familiar with developing an airborne pathogen, but not how to consistently ensure it smells of fart.
Uh… the world just suffered a massive global pathogen and it still has not recovered. I have lived through too many “once in a lifetime” events, can we please not have another one?
Wouldn’t it be funny if the next one smelled like farts, though?
If you watch the movie Jack with Robin Williams, his character farts in a tin and the other kids smell it, so by way of plausible movie science, yes.
A prank from when I was like 11 was to put a cookie in a Tupperware, fart in it and quickly close the lid
That is evil! I love it!
I’m not sure ‘freshness’ is quite the word you’re looking for. Maybe try ‘potency’ on for size.
Deliciousness.
“potent” is a gross word
You looking to get in to politics or something?
God dammit. I JUST replied to someone with a joke answer of what the most pointless question is.
And then IMMEDIATELY see this! This one is so much better at being a joke pointless question!!!
I am looking for a serious answer.
yes. I do it regularly.
