(Jerry’s apartment. Jerry is sitting on the couch reading a magazine when suddenly Kramer bursts through the door, wild-eyed and disheveled, as usual.)
Kramer: (throws his arms up dramatically) “They canceled me, Jerry! CANCELED!”
Jerry: (startled, looking up) “Canceled? Canceled from what? You’re not even on anything!”
Kramer: “Oh, I’m on something, buddy. I’ve been doing the rounds on KramerTube—my web series! You know, the one where I rate New York City hot dog carts on ‘snap, spice, and sauerkraut consistency.’ It was a big hit!”
Jerry: “Your web series? You’ve been reviewing hot dogs and you got canceled? What, did you say something about ketchup?”
Kramer: “Oh, it was nothing, Jerry! I just mentioned that Eddie’s on 34th has ‘suspicious mustard.’ And BAM! The next day, the internet turns on me. Hashtag ‘CancelKramer!’ It’s trending!”
Elaine: (walking in, curious) “What’s trending?”
Jerry: “Kramer got canceled. Apparently, the mustard was too suspicious.”
Elaine: “You? Canceled? How does someone who already operates on the fringes of society get canceled?”
Kramer: “They’re trying to shut me down, Elaine! My sponsors pulled out. No more free hot dog samples from Louie’s Lunch Shack. And they’re not inviting me to the Annual Hot Dog Summit!”
Jerry: “There’s an Annual Hot Dog Summit?”
Kramer: “It’s a big deal, Jerry! Last year, they gave out a lifetime achievement award to the inventor of the pretzel bun. I was on my way up! And now… I’m OUT!”
George: (bursting in, holding his phone) “Did you hear about this? Kramer’s trending! You’re famous, buddy! You’re a meme!”
Kramer: (suspicious) “A meme? What kind of meme?”
George: (showing his phone) “This one: ‘Suspicious Mustard Guy.’ You’re staring at a hot dog like it’s hiding state secrets. It’s everywhere!”
Kramer: “It’s out of context! Out of context!”
Elaine: “Oh, please. You love this. This is the most attention you’ve ever gotten in your life.”
Kramer: “Not like this, Elaine! They’re calling me ‘The Mustard Menace.’ My reputation is ruined!”
Jerry: “I think your reputation was already on thin ice when you started a hot dog review series.”
Kramer: “I’ll have you know, Jerry, my series was bringing awareness to the integrity of this city’s sausage scene! And now, thanks to the internet mob, it’s all over!”
George: “What’s the problem? You’re famous. Lean into it! Do a redemption tour. Write a mustard manifesto.”
Kramer: (perks up, thoughtful) “Redemption tour, huh? That’s not bad. I could partner with Grey Poupon! Maybe start a charity for underprivileged condiments…”
Jerry: “Sure, because what the world really needs is your hot takes on relish politics.”
Kramer: (snaps his fingers) “This isn’t over, Jerry. I’ll rebuild. Hot dog by hot dog, I’ll clear my name!” (storms out dramatically)
Elaine: (watches him leave) “How long do we give him before he’s banned from another summit?”
(Jerry’s apartment. Jerry is sitting on the couch reading a magazine when suddenly Kramer bursts through the door, wild-eyed and disheveled, as usual.)
Kramer: (throws his arms up dramatically) “They canceled me, Jerry! CANCELED!”
Jerry: (startled, looking up) “Canceled? Canceled from what? You’re not even on anything!”
Kramer: “Oh, I’m on something, buddy. I’ve been doing the rounds on KramerTube—my web series! You know, the one where I rate New York City hot dog carts on ‘snap, spice, and sauerkraut consistency.’ It was a big hit!”
Jerry: “Your web series? You’ve been reviewing hot dogs and you got canceled? What, did you say something about ketchup?”
Kramer: “Oh, it was nothing, Jerry! I just mentioned that Eddie’s on 34th has ‘suspicious mustard.’ And BAM! The next day, the internet turns on me. Hashtag ‘CancelKramer!’ It’s trending!”
Elaine: (walking in, curious) “What’s trending?”
Jerry: “Kramer got canceled. Apparently, the mustard was too suspicious.”
Elaine: “You? Canceled? How does someone who already operates on the fringes of society get canceled?”
Kramer: “They’re trying to shut me down, Elaine! My sponsors pulled out. No more free hot dog samples from Louie’s Lunch Shack. And they’re not inviting me to the Annual Hot Dog Summit!”
Jerry: “There’s an Annual Hot Dog Summit?”
Kramer: “It’s a big deal, Jerry! Last year, they gave out a lifetime achievement award to the inventor of the pretzel bun. I was on my way up! And now… I’m OUT!”
George: (bursting in, holding his phone) “Did you hear about this? Kramer’s trending! You’re famous, buddy! You’re a meme!”
Kramer: (suspicious) “A meme? What kind of meme?”
George: (showing his phone) “This one: ‘Suspicious Mustard Guy.’ You’re staring at a hot dog like it’s hiding state secrets. It’s everywhere!”
Kramer: “It’s out of context! Out of context!”
Elaine: “Oh, please. You love this. This is the most attention you’ve ever gotten in your life.”
Kramer: “Not like this, Elaine! They’re calling me ‘The Mustard Menace.’ My reputation is ruined!”
Jerry: “I think your reputation was already on thin ice when you started a hot dog review series.”
Kramer: “I’ll have you know, Jerry, my series was bringing awareness to the integrity of this city’s sausage scene! And now, thanks to the internet mob, it’s all over!”
George: “What’s the problem? You’re famous. Lean into it! Do a redemption tour. Write a mustard manifesto.”
Kramer: (perks up, thoughtful) “Redemption tour, huh? That’s not bad. I could partner with Grey Poupon! Maybe start a charity for underprivileged condiments…”
Jerry: “Sure, because what the world really needs is your hot takes on relish politics.”
Kramer: (snaps his fingers) “This isn’t over, Jerry. I’ll rebuild. Hot dog by hot dog, I’ll clear my name!” (storms out dramatically)
Elaine: (watches him leave) “How long do we give him before he’s banned from another summit?”
Jerry: (smirking) “Two weeks. Tops.”
That was perfect
The entire time I was reading it I felt like it was written by the original writers, just missing the snapping fingers Kramer always did.
Then you hit me with them snaps!
10/10, no notes
I need more of this, please.
Hahaha, dammit I could hear and see it all in my head!
You better copyright this, it’s brilliant!