I’ve recently moved out, so I can no longer help out with household duties (like cooking, cleaning, gardening, etc), which is what I used to do to help them - mind you they are not elderly, still actively working, so I just wanted to help them have more free time for hobbies and such.
Since I’m no longer there physically, I can obviously not help with these anymore, and they are both very much against the idea of spending money on cleaners, gardeners and such (to be fair, I’m also not really into the idea) - they are also very much against the idea of receiving money from me. The problem is, I don’t know how else I could help, if I can’t chime in for household expenses.
I’m really curious what others do to support their family from afar without directly sending money being involved?
Besides all the other stuff mentioned, you can invite them to stuff occasionally and prepay everything. Make it a family event if you want to.
Some people don’t like to receive help from others without getting something in return, because it makes them feel pitied. If you think this applies to you and they’re refusing help because they don’t want to be a burden, ask for a little favour yourself every now and then, even if you don’t really need to borrow that lawnmower/hammer/bucket. That way, they don’t feel as burdened asking you when they need help.
If you’ve got money leftover for them, you can’t go wrong with keeping some funds reserved in case they need it. It sounds like they’re doing fine, so an emergency fund is all the monetary aid they may need. If that doesn’t get used, you can always invest it and have it ready for them when they age and run into stuff like healthcare bills.
You could also spend the money another way, like giving nice birthday/Christmas gifts. Save up for holiday vouchers, or get them a roomba or a dishwasher to sneakily help with cleaning.
Also consider that maybe they really are fine, and would be happier seeing you invest your money in yourself and your future. Most likely, they’ll appreciate spending time with you much more than the money you may be able to provide.
It sounds like maybe they’re doing fine without your help. Maybe you could put money into a savings account and then keep it available in case they want your help.
Build an emergency fund and hang on to it for everyone.
This is an excellent idea.
If you really want to help and they want you to be on your own (and probably are enjoying their solitude) this is a neat way to do so. They don’t want help now but they may in the future.
Though, as a parent myself, I’m guessing they’d want you to save for yourself and realize they can take care of themselves. Good parents want what’s best for their children without thinking of themselves, it’s a sacrificial relationship.
However, what they do want is a continuing relationship. Call or meet with them regularly. Take pictures of you and your adventures. If you decide to start a family send them plenty of pictures of the grandkids and have dinner with them regularly if you’re close by.
Let them ask you, otherwise you’re kinda enmeshing yourself in their daily affairs when you aren’t party to it. They have to learn how to operate without your input day to day and you have to learn how to operate independantly managing your own affairs and state
They’ll do Them.
You do You
What about subscription services, food delivery boxes, Spotify, Netflix, anything you can pay for on their behalf to enhance their lives? Can always start out saying you got a two for one deal for 6 months so they don’t refuse outright and you can just keep on doing it.
Plenty of family subscription services too (including for some of those your listed), although distance limits might come into play for some family subscriptions
Maybe offer to shout them a nice dinner once a month. I know it involves money but it’s more of a gift than paying their bills.
Are your parents poor? Then just buy them stuff they need, like new clothes etc. There is always an opportunity for gift giving. Are they doing OK financially? Then just buy them something nice occasionally. Save the money you’d want to give them for a rainy day fund. If shit hits the fan, be there to support them.
Yes, if you can’t help them have more time for hobbies give them stuff for their hobbies. Some hobbies can be expensive if they are really into.it
Besides money, a great way to support your parents is to stay in touch. It took me way too long to realize that I can call my mom just to say hello and have a quick chat.
Now I try to call and check in as much as possible. During most of those calls are when I find out if there is anything else that they need. Without those conversations, though it would never come up, since they don’t want to bother me.
If they’re still working, they don’t need your support. Focus on staying in touch with them, and let them know that if they do need you, you’re here.
Like someone else said, instead putting money into savings, so that a future need can come out of that instead of your current funds, that’ll mitigate the future need.
Do they actually need the help? Personally I’d just leave them be and be available if they need support for whatever reason
One way to send money without really sending “money” is to give them gift cards for the local grocery store. Everyone needs groceries and it often has more of a free gift feel than a charity case feel to it. You could even pass it off as if it’s something you won or received and you’re just passing it along.
If you have children, support them. If your parents ever need help, they will tell you.
That’s not the case with my parents.
What kind of help do your parents need that they’re not telling you about?
