Just want to back this one up: as someone rapidly approaching 40 who never loved himself, if anything absolutely loathes himself, repeating to yourself how absolutely horrible of a failure you are and how completely and utterly undeserving of anyone’s love you are daily will cement itself in your head as absolute fact.
I can no longer actually comprehend that I can do anything well. I’m either a complete failure, or if I did it literally anyone with 2 braincells can. I actually do not believe anyone who says otherwise, it has become an objective truth in my brain backed up by decades of “evidence.”
I’m sure there is much more evidence that this is not the case. You were probably raised in an environment with lots of shame and blame, I suspect, and so it’s hard to give yourself credit for the many, many things you have been successful.
Also, reframe your negative evidence. You’re not the same person anymore, for sure. Everyone makes mistakes and that’s how we learn, and it’s supposed to be uncomfortable. It also helps to remember that you are likely the only person thinking about this past evidence, and it’s okay for you to let it go, release it from your body and mind, and move on from it too.
When you feel yourself thinking negatively, go stand in front of a mirror, up on your toes, arms up high over head, bear your teeth, and growl at the mirror. You are a large and powerful predator, and seeing yourself as such will make it true.
Another good tip, when you’re feeling discomfort with memories, pause, and look around the room making sure to look over your shoulders, behind you on both sides. This is a trick to calm your brain down, take you out of fight or flight. You’re not in danger and the feelings of danger may have been helpful as a child, but you don’t need them anymore. You are a large and powerful predator now.
Just want to back this one up: as someone rapidly approaching 40 who never loved himself, if anything absolutely loathes himself, repeating to yourself how absolutely horrible of a failure you are and how completely and utterly undeserving of anyone’s love you are daily will cement itself in your head as absolute fact.
I can no longer actually comprehend that I can do anything well. I’m either a complete failure, or if I did it literally anyone with 2 braincells can. I actually do not believe anyone who says otherwise, it has become an objective truth in my brain backed up by decades of “evidence.”
I’m sure there is much more evidence that this is not the case. You were probably raised in an environment with lots of shame and blame, I suspect, and so it’s hard to give yourself credit for the many, many things you have been successful.
Also, reframe your negative evidence. You’re not the same person anymore, for sure. Everyone makes mistakes and that’s how we learn, and it’s supposed to be uncomfortable. It also helps to remember that you are likely the only person thinking about this past evidence, and it’s okay for you to let it go, release it from your body and mind, and move on from it too.
When you feel yourself thinking negatively, go stand in front of a mirror, up on your toes, arms up high over head, bear your teeth, and growl at the mirror. You are a large and powerful predator, and seeing yourself as such will make it true.
Another good tip, when you’re feeling discomfort with memories, pause, and look around the room making sure to look over your shoulders, behind you on both sides. This is a trick to calm your brain down, take you out of fight or flight. You’re not in danger and the feelings of danger may have been helpful as a child, but you don’t need them anymore. You are a large and powerful predator now.