Anyone have any advice for navigating coming out as bisexual recently. I just moved states so I haven’t been able to get a good grasp on the social scene yet, is there maybe a way of thinking about dating preferences without actually dating?
I’ve thought about going to a gay bar but I’ve never been to any and I really don’t know what to do.
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Welcome to yourself and the community! I’m proud of you! I know in my neck of the woods we have a Pride committee that does community events, do you have something like that?
What do you mean when you say think ‘about dating preferences without actually dating’?
How do know what kind of people I like, nosurere really
What’s your apprehension about going out and meeting people to help you find what you’re looking for?
I mean by all means jot down a couple of deal breakers for yourself when considering a partner (I.e. non-smoker, doesn’t physically abuse me, no drug addiction etc) but there’s only so far you can go with theorising a partner.
People will surprise you in my experience. Behaviour or characteristics you thought you really didn’t like suddenly becomes irrelevant when it’s the right person.
Also I’ve moved around a fair bit so again, so making socialconnectionns has never been a strong suit
Going out… I’m a home body and have dealt with a lot of psychological crap over the years. Right now I’m in a good spot and need to make up for lost time socially, I have virtually no experience
To me it sounds like you’re saying this:
Hey Lemmy, I want to learn how to ride a bicycle but I don’t actually want to ride a bicycle as part of learning how to ride one. I also don’t want to make any mistakes learning how to ride a bicycle.
If someone came up to you and said that, would you think that’s reasonable?
Exactly, it’s paradoxical and frustrating because I’m trying to do something that doesn’t make any sense
I’ve talked a lot with my therapist about this and it’s all very daunting. Making social mistakes as an adult is something that makes me deeply uncomfortable
I usually just tell people I’m looking for friends first. If I find myself liking someone I usually tell them I’d like something more from the friendship and see if it’s something their interested in. I’m polyam so this advice may differ for monogamous people.
I think the US scene is very active with dating apps right now. There is a whole range of them. This should at least allow you to “think about dating preferences without actually dating,” just by looking at other people and reading what they have posted. Of course apps are not for everyone and they can give a distorted take so this is just one idea you can evaluate.
Hey, fellow bi-cyclist! Unfortunately, I have no useful advice to offer as I’m not from US and not a very social person, but want to congratulate you on coming out! Best of everything to you!
Thank you kindly
