Hey Folks!
I’ve been living abroad for over half my life in a country where tipping is not the norm. At most you would round up. 19€ bill? Here’s a 20, keep this change.
Going to the US soon to visit family and the whole idea of tipping makes me nervous. It seems there’s a lot of discussion about getting rid of tipping, but I don’t know how much has changed in this regard.
The system seems ridiculously unfair, and that extra expense in a country where everything is already so expensive really makes a difference.
So will AITA if I don’t tip? Is it really my personal responsibility to make sure my server is paid enough?
I’m not from the US so this will be probably an unpopular opinion but i think you should only tip if you were pleased with the service and/or if you are planning to visit the place again. I experienced Americans who were unsatisfied with the waiters and food but still tipping the “minimum” 20%, I can’t wrap my head around that.
Indeed! Though I understand that its the system and I should just accept it, its weird how vehemently people defend it. “Its a shitty system but its OUR shitty system and you have to comply!”
There are already a lot of good answers here, but I thought you might appreciate a fictionalized version of my personal experience.
—
Back in the kitchen, the hostess comes in.
“I’ve got a 2-top at table 23, who’s next in the rotation?”
“Uh… I think it’s Bob, but he’s busy doing bumps in the walk in. I’ll take it. They nice?”
“Uhh, I think they’re German.”
—
Unfortunately for them, the knowledge that Europeans tend to tip poorly or not at all proceeds them. The server who took the two top will still serve them, but either consciously or subconsciously the service will suffer. Maybe your food was done five minutes ago sitting on the hot line, but your server decided to go chat up the elderly couple or the regular customer instead. Maybe the server is more rude or cold to you than other guests. Or maybe you’re lucky and your server isn’t yet jaded. Your mileage may vary depending on if you’re eating in a small town diner or a tourist hotspot, but even if the service seems fine, there’s almost certainly chatter going on behind your back from the moment you sit down.
There’s a very small chance that your server will chase after you if you leave no tip, but that is virtually unheard of and will get the server fired if it’s a nicer establishment. The more likely chain of events is that you leave, the server checks the checkbook, then goes into the back-of-house to scream/cry/drink/smoke/fuck someone/something. It’s completely ruined several of my shifts.
—BUT—
The above is all wrong. It felt gross to type, and feels grosser to know that I once felt that. These feelings may have been ‘valid’ considering the tipped system that I was a part of, but I have a hard time thinking of them as ‘reasonable’. As an empathetic human, I wish to treat everyone well. Also, I love travel, and would love to spend 30 minutes talking about the Cologne cathedral or the Bielefeld conspiracy or whateverthefuck. But I can’t, because then I’d be actively losing money. The profit motive of tip system makes servers, managers, and even clients all jaded. The anger that I felt when I was stiffed was unjustly redirected from the tipping system to the individual, because the system is designed to perpetuate itself. I make less money now, but I’m very glad I left that industry.
—
BONUS: If you want to see a hilarious yet barely over exaggerated vignette of what American servers do and how they think when you can’t see them, give Waiting… (2005) a watch.
ha ha thanks for this!
Yes, it does make you the asshole, especially because you know that’s what we do here and why we do it. Until living wage laws are passed, it’s not going to change.
In all honesty, I will probably just tip the minimum amount and try not to let it get to me. Its not like I’ll be out eating by myself anyway, there will be plenty of social pressure to help me along :)
But imagine if all jobs worked this way. Oh, you wanted a good outcome for your surgery? Maybe you should have tipped your surgeon! Oh, you wanted your taxes done correctly? Should have tipped! Sorry boss, I would have gotten you that report on time, but you forgot to leave me a tip!
I also think its silly that tips are based on the price of your meal, as if that has anything to do with the service whatsoever. So the person who ordered a steak pays more in a tip than the person who ordered a salad? Why? It would make way more sense to tip based on time spent in the establishment. I would understand a standard 5$ tip per half-hour or something way more.
Others have answered the question, but I did want to mention - many people mention that tips are important because employees can be paid below minimum wage, but this varies state by state, and in my experience tipping is standard regardless of this.
Here’s a table of minimum wage by state:
https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/state/minimum-wage/tipped
The “Minimum Cash Wage” column is the “tipped” minimum wage - this is what employers can pay for jobs that get tips. The “Basic Combined Cash & Tip Minimum Wage Rate” is the minimum wage for non-tipped jobs, as well as the minimum a tipped employee must receive in wage plus tips - if they don’t make enough tips, legally the employer must pay the difference.
So for example, in Washington state where I am, the minimum wage is $15.74 whether you’re tipped or not, but it’s still considered rude not to tip, and 20% is still the standard “good” tip.
Thanks for this! I’ll be in CA, seems like they’re getting minimum wage plus tips. At least a step in the right direction towards fair pay.
My view is: I don’t like this cultural element, and I am glad that I live in a country without it. But if I am a visitor from abroad I would not resist the local culture and try to impose my own values. If I am aware of this cultural element and I dislike it, my options would be to either avoid restaurants and other tipping situations as much as I can, or simply account for the tip when making my financial decisions, and pay it.
If I live in the country then it is different, because then I am more entitled to be a driver of change. Personally, my approach would be to support businesses with explicit no-tipping policy, and to refuse receiving tips myself.
One of the best answers so far, thanks! I’m not a foreigner, but I’ve been gone for over half my life, so it certainly feels like it. Coming back it always a culture shock.
Doordash driver: The federal government values mileage at $0.63/mile for tax purposes. They would value the vehicle expenses of a 6-mile delivery at $3.78.
Minimum wage in my state is $10.10 per hour. A 6-mile delivery takes 20 minutes, or $3.03. Anything less than $6.81 for this delivery, and the driver is earning less than minimum wage.
DD typically pays the driver $2.
A tip less than $4.81 means you expect the driver to earn less than minimum wage.
There’s another problem: Doordash’s primary rating system for it’s drivers is “acceptance rate”. The higher your acceptance rate, the higher you are prioritized for offers. The lowest tier of drivers has to wait for everyone in the area above him to be unavailable or to reject an order before he gets to work.
When a customer makes a low-tip or no-tip order, they expect a driver to pay for the privilege of delivering the order, and they are willing to ding the acceptance rating of every single driver in the area who refuses to work at a loss.
A tip less than $4.81 means you expect the driver to earn less than minimum wage.
I disagree - it means you expect them to earn a wage regardless of how much you tip. Bosses should pay their workers a living wage, period. DD drivers shouldn’t have to rely on the kindness of strangers.
I disagree - it means you expect them to earn a wage regardless of how much you tip. Bosses should pay their workers a living wage, period. DD drivers shouldn’t have to rely on the kindness of strangers.
I agree, but if you pay for a service knowing that worker is underpaid by the boss, you are exploiting the worker just as much as the boss is.
The system is broken, it’s unethical to exploit the broken for your own advantage as well.
Some people genuinely don’t realize the delivery person doesn’t get paid much. I didn’t even know for the longest time that the “delivery fee” apparently does not go to the driver. That’s an issue with DoorDash and similar apps’ messaging to the users. My tips have gone up since I learned that the delivery fee is apparently not for the delivery person. It’s not always malice on the customer’s part though. Sometimes it’s genuine misunderstanding.
Sounds like DD is a total no-go. I’ve read enough stories on Reddit to know what a shitty system it is, seemingly for everyone involved except the business owner.
OP is probably American and trying to start a discussion. Just accept it as how things are done here and move on. It’s really not that bad if you expect it
This is correct! I’m a citizen, but have been gone for so long I feel like a foreigner. Its been a number of years since I’ve been back.
Definitely tip. If you think the whole system sucks that’s fine, but don’t take out that frustration on the likely vastly underpaid employees
You enter a social compact when you enter an establishment that does tipping. When you don’t tip, you’re not making it better, your making sure someone goes hungry
if:
a. a person “has” to rely on other people to tip them
b. said person goes “hungry” if a single person/table doesn’t tip themyou… uh… have other issues to think about
Like that our entire economic system is broken in such a way that this is a thing that happens? Yes. At the restaurant is not the time to get on your soapbox, and the exploited service provider you’re refusing the tip is not the person to be taking it out on
and are these exploited people doing anything to change this? the consumer is the last between the three (employer, worker, consumer) that should have anger directed towards them
as it’s their issue its their soapbox not mine, this annoying custom made it to country where they are paid enough as well
