I’m wondering, why can’t I be fun whenever I feel things are getting more serious with someone? Why can I just not be silly? Why can’t I play and be goofish with those that matter to me? Why must I be so damn dead serious?

  • TheLemming@feddit.deOPEnglish
    0·
    1 year ago

    I figured, in my case it is, I subconsciously shut down happiness, actually all positive feelings, because I can’t deal with the feelings that come with being positively vulnerable – sensory emotions of I am going to be exploited now, etc

    Thus I don’t have real friends, really, because I just hang around with people I dislike, because I don’t feel like I am going to be robbed by them, because I can’t lose myself with them as I didn’t REALLY gave myself into the relationship.
    And I keep people at distance, afar from me so that they can’t hurt me … wtf I hate this survival mechanism so much 🙊 🤦