Hail Satan!

On my mama

Keep up the good work! I’m proud of you!

I finally found a job that doesn’t make me completely miserable and pays fairly well, and it only took me until I was 34.

Wrong on both counts, friendo.

You will never find a more wretched hive.

Smoke em if ya got em, kiddo.

Honestly, I have no idea how tennis works.

Give me like 30 solid years to practice and I’m confident that I could narrowly snatch one point away from an elderly Serena Williams.

Below knee.

The word “panacea” is so cool.

Who better to answer this question than TheFeatureCreature?

Who the fuck would vote in favor of more shit in the water supply?

I second this motion.

Not as sick as you’re about to be from rat lung worm.

A lovely sentiment, but unfortunately it has no basis in point of fact reality.

Goddamn, I hope it doesn’t get worse that it is right now.

I’m arguably even more unhappy at home.

I’m not capable of providing value to anyone. Not my kids, not my soon-to-be ex wife, not my employer. I’m nothing but a drain on everyone in my life and when I die, I will do it penniless and alone.