This is sage advice.

I am thinking of things like comments that were cruel, competitiveness, contempt, or people who are asking questions and acting interested but who are really trying to bait me into conflict or have an ulterior motive. I am better at it than I used to be but it’s hard for me to respond to it when it does happen.

Sometimes I interpret people too charitably or I just don’t realize until the next day how I felt or what they really meant. Other times I notice but I don’t know how to translate my internal misgivings into words that change or end the situation. Being angry or direct often backfires. Usually these are people who are acting as if we are friends but in a disrespectful way. It just really catches me off guard still, for some reason.

Boundaries have helped a lot, but my sense of self trust wavers a lot for ptsd reasons and this is probably what assholes are zeroing in on. I just keep running into it perenially. The body language thing is something i need to work on.

Edited because typos.

Thanks. I definitely do tend to make a lot of mistakes judging this.

Thank you

Thanks. Any good effective ways to exit situations that you have found work for you? I find when I start to feel uncomfortable it’s harder for me decide what to do or say specifically.

Thank you. I should add that I am referring to manipulative people specifically. I can tell someone is being an asshole if they’re not hiding it, but I do struggle when people pretend that they’re being friendly or neutral or while also being terrible under the surface, if that makes sense. In retrospect it was usually obvious to other people, but I don’t see the bad faith element beneath the friendly behavior it until it escalates.

Hopefully the next places will be more durable. It is still SAD and damaging when vibrant communities get destroyed though. I am more lamenting that.

People haven’t adjusted yet to the reality that online social ecosystems matter, they affect so much in the real world. Decimating multiple online spaces in such a short time has consequences and i hate that a handful of random guys with no stake in any of it except money get to make decisions like that.

You have articulated exactly how I feel whenever I see that word in a headline haha.

I feel you’re coming at this from an abstract angle more than how these things actually play out in practice. This isn’t reliable software, it isn’t proven to work, and the social and economic realities of the students and families and districts have to be taken into account. The article does a better job explaining that. There are documented harms here. You, an adult, might have a good understanding of how to use a monitored device in a way that keeps you safe from some of the potential harms, but this software is predatory and markets itself deceptively. It’s very different than what I think you are describing.

Yeah, I just fundamentally don’t think companies or workplaces or schools have the right to so much information about someone. But I can understand that we just see it differently.

An issue here for me is that the kids can’t op out. Their guardians aren’t the ones checking up on their digital behavior, it’s an ai system owned by a company on a device they are forced or heavily pressured to use by a school district. That’s just too much of a power imbalance for an informed decision to my mind, even if the user in question were an adult. Kids are even more vulnerable. I do not think it is a binary option between no supervision and complete surveillance. We have to find ways to address potential issues that uphold the humanity of all the humans involved. This seems to me like a bad but also very ineffective way to meet either goal.

Kids going to school cannot reasonably be expected to have the knowledge, forethought, or ability to protect themselves from privacy violations. They lack the rights, info and social power to meaningfully do anything about this. That’s why it’s exploitative and harmful. Edit: that’s also to say nothing of the chilling effect this is going to have on kids who DO need to talk about something but now feel they have to hide it, or feel ashamed of it. Shit is bad news all around.

This is awful. Surveillance is not a replacement for childcare. How many times must people say it. It is also not a replacement for managing employees or any other thing. I hate this timeline.

This was a great read. These dynamics are so prevalent.

Definitely for me the specific choice they made here does make me see in in a cynical light. I don’t know these people and mayybe there could have been some nuanced or respectful ways to keep the band going in some sense, I really don’t know, but this sure as shit doesn’t seem like that. Like damn, this really is how every single group of people acts when someone is a survivor, or when someone else is a rapist, huh? Just wow. Every single group of people, complete self interest and disregard. I can’t think about it in any other light. Similar kinds of situations have played out over and over again lately and I am so disheartened. I’m bracing myself for some awful comment to come out next. The whole thing is just queasy the more i learn about it.

This sucks.

Uhhhhhhhh yikes.

Wow. That sucks. I feel like so much of what her office has been doing is just designed to create the appearance of solving problems and governing while…not actually doing much about anything real.

Fuck, really? Where can i learn more about that