Fun fact, this is why I got laid so much in Mexico. I took so much straight dong on that trip I should have gotten frequent fliers miles

I’ve mentioned it on here before, I think. It’s one of my favorite stories. The look on his face was absolutely horrific and hilarious. I asked him several times afterwards how his pregnant sinuses were. He did not find it as funny as I did.

🎶I got a brand new pair of roller skates you got skint you knees, let’s get to together and touch together our peepees🎶

I love telling this story, but I’ll warn beforehand it’s explicit.

!so, one time I was getting a blow job from this dude who was sort of newly out as bi curious. So, he asked if he could suck me off because he’d never done it before. Anyway, when I came, he didn’t pull off and decided he was going to swallow, and since he was still really new and nervous, I thought it would be hilarious if I said “no homo” when I came.

Unfortunately, he also thought that was hilarious, and laughed while swallowing. Ever seen milk come out of a kids nose in the cafeteria? That. But with spunk !<

I wish I had a way of letting mine out more frequently haha

We all know the answer to this. Alfred keeps a large supply of BatCoke for him in the Bat Cave

Can I know what that religion is?

Your brain is a confusingly, terrifying, beautiful place and I’m glad you just give out front row access like this.

I can’t find a source right now, because I just woke up and I don’t want to, so (Trust Me Bro, et al, 2024) but there’s a chance that quote is actually about Nazis!

A lot of French people referred to them as “the others” and would often speak sort of semi-codedly about them in writing and such so as not to piss off their new overlords. So that line may well not have been “I’m such an introvert that being around other humans is like being in hell” but instead “hell has delivered itself to my doorstep in the form of goose-stepping bastards”

If someone is cleaning a floor and I have to walk over it, they’re getting several sorrys and at least 2 thank yous, while I do that shrink my body to the side and putting my palms out towards them like a peasant not trying to be whipped by a landed gentry.

I’ve mopped professionally. It sucks.

I thought so! When I saw this my first thought was “wait, isn’t that the one I used to use several years ago?”

Yeah, it is. Ended up not being compatible on a new phone is why I switched, I think…forgot about it after.

I was gonna ask!

How do you do this? I’ve seen it for years, but never thought to ask before. Lol.

OMG, I thought it was a fly and missed the word moth! Lol

Can you clue me in? I’m sure it’s funny, I love this artist. But I’m lost here. Lol

As an American, it was also my breakfast for years.

I don’t miss smoking, but sometimes I do genuinely miss smoking, if that makes sense. Especially with coffee or tea. :/

I’m not sure if that show had it or not, did you get slimed? My ultimate goal in childhood was to get nickelodeon slimed.

Are you asking how to express this information in a utilitarian way, as in, how do you convey the information to be understood? Or are you asking how to express it in a poetic way? The use of thither makes me think you’re hoping to express this is a jokingly poetic sense.

So I’ve been accused of sabotaging relationships, and maybe this is that, but i feel justified.

I’d been dating a dude for about 3 months when we decided to go for a drive through this really scenic area near where we live. There’s a mill, and a pretty stream. About 30 minutes in, he finishes his gatorade, rolls down the passenger window, and hucks the bottle into the stream.

I made him get out and get it. Told him he could get the bottle or walk home. He got the bottle, and there were no more dates after that. I feel like I did the right thing.

Is there somewhere to buy these? I’d love to send them to about 75 relatives.