I’ve noticed friends chose their faith themselves. I’ve lost four really good friends, that I’ve known for 15+ years, by them just not talking to me anymore. That’s it, no angry shout-out, no “oh you changed a lot”, no complain about me trying to contact them or any remarks on why they might not want to hang out with me. They just never go online anymore and don’t reacting to the phone to trying to hang out. I know they aren’t dead, as other people I still know are in contact with them.
My conclusion is, that a lot of people don’t know anymore what friendship is and that they destroy this themselves until they are old but have no one left to hang out with but shallow TikTok level of friendships.
I am that friend that vanished that you are describing.
In my case, I tried talking to the friend that bothered me ( an unmedicated ADHD alcoholic mess of a friend) he told me to fuck off.
I even stopped hanging out with my old group of friends that involved this guy that I described because it became this: male anger space to vent off, suicide jokes, complain about work, glorify alcohol, try out different types of drugs. No, thank you, I don’t want to do a live action of Rick n Morty.
There is no talking with a group where everyone decided to stay together on a shitty decision. I tried once and they got really angry and made me the wrong one for going to the gym, waking up early, quitting alcohol, etc.
I still keep in touch from afar and now, almost 10 years later, some of them are saying " yeah, the doctor told me to drop the alcohol", " yeah now I found the right meds for me and I aint as angry"
Everybody goes at their own pace, but expecting other friends to stay with you during this journey is ludicrous.
I went my way and although it hurt, sometimes its the best thing you can do for your mental health and integrity
Oh sure. I’m totally with you on this. Difference is I’m no alcoholic nor do things that have a bad influence on people, nor were my friends addicts.
If anything, I’m a better person than 10 years ago because I’m less depressed, more happy, Way easier to talk to, do sports, friendlier, don’t talk about politics much anymore, don’t put myself on a pedestal, and way less aggressive. So that people stop wanting to be my friends hurts a lot, because everything I do and the person I am, is a much much better person and I worked so hard on that.
I don’t and can’t believe people liked my asshole self more than me now. And these people that stopped talking to me are also good people. It’s absurd.
On your 3rd paragraph, I also have no idea why this happens, but we are not the only ones. Maybe people get the idea we became too self-centered?
I cannot comment on you because I don’t know you, but in my case, if I were to be self-critic, I always focus too much on my career, wife, hobbies, household chores, family… friends were always the last priority on my schedule. People pick up on that quickly, idk.
I do have some friends though who are low maintenance and with these I find its much easier to keep friends with. We can go 6 months without seeing each other and its still fun to get together.
Some people vanish because they struggle with life. Maybe that’s not relateable for everyone, but sometimes people do not have the energy to maintain friendships. There is nothing that you can do on your end but there also is nothing they can do on their end.
From addictions to mental crisis, autoimmune disease or chronic pain there is so much that can suck a person dry. Also all kinds of family and relationship issues.
Sometimes the difference between the friends these people still have contact with and those who they don’t have contact with comes down to marginal differences like living close by and crossing ways regularly.
I’ve noticed friends chose their faith themselves. I’ve lost four really good friends, that I’ve known for 15+ years, by them just not talking to me anymore. That’s it, no angry shout-out, no “oh you changed a lot”, no complain about me trying to contact them or any remarks on why they might not want to hang out with me. They just never go online anymore and don’t reacting to the phone to trying to hang out. I know they aren’t dead, as other people I still know are in contact with them.
My conclusion is, that a lot of people don’t know anymore what friendship is and that they destroy this themselves until they are old but have no one left to hang out with but shallow TikTok level of friendships.
I am that friend that vanished that you are describing.
In my case, I tried talking to the friend that bothered me ( an unmedicated ADHD alcoholic mess of a friend) he told me to fuck off.
I even stopped hanging out with my old group of friends that involved this guy that I described because it became this: male anger space to vent off, suicide jokes, complain about work, glorify alcohol, try out different types of drugs. No, thank you, I don’t want to do a live action of Rick n Morty.
There is no talking with a group where everyone decided to stay together on a shitty decision. I tried once and they got really angry and made me the wrong one for going to the gym, waking up early, quitting alcohol, etc.
I still keep in touch from afar and now, almost 10 years later, some of them are saying " yeah, the doctor told me to drop the alcohol", " yeah now I found the right meds for me and I aint as angry"
Everybody goes at their own pace, but expecting other friends to stay with you during this journey is ludicrous.
I went my way and although it hurt, sometimes its the best thing you can do for your mental health and integrity
Oh sure. I’m totally with you on this. Difference is I’m no alcoholic nor do things that have a bad influence on people, nor were my friends addicts.
If anything, I’m a better person than 10 years ago because I’m less depressed, more happy, Way easier to talk to, do sports, friendlier, don’t talk about politics much anymore, don’t put myself on a pedestal, and way less aggressive. So that people stop wanting to be my friends hurts a lot, because everything I do and the person I am, is a much much better person and I worked so hard on that.
I don’t and can’t believe people liked my asshole self more than me now. And these people that stopped talking to me are also good people. It’s absurd.
I feel you.
On your 3rd paragraph, I also have no idea why this happens, but we are not the only ones. Maybe people get the idea we became too self-centered?
I cannot comment on you because I don’t know you, but in my case, if I were to be self-critic, I always focus too much on my career, wife, hobbies, household chores, family… friends were always the last priority on my schedule. People pick up on that quickly, idk.
I do have some friends though who are low maintenance and with these I find its much easier to keep friends with. We can go 6 months without seeing each other and its still fun to get together.
I appreciate the insight, I’ll reflect on that.
Some people vanish because they struggle with life. Maybe that’s not relateable for everyone, but sometimes people do not have the energy to maintain friendships. There is nothing that you can do on your end but there also is nothing they can do on their end.
From addictions to mental crisis, autoimmune disease or chronic pain there is so much that can suck a person dry. Also all kinds of family and relationship issues.
Sometimes the difference between the friends these people still have contact with and those who they don’t have contact with comes down to marginal differences like living close by and crossing ways regularly.