It’s a sunny day, we’re outside, good mood, drinking a coffee. I try to strike a conversation, my gf says its too early for philosophical discussions. I tell her we can instead talk about whatever she feels like. She says she doesn’t want to talk about anything. We weirdly sit in silence for a while. I tell her it’s weird to me, we argue. Is this normal?
Sitting in comfortable silence is completely normal. Some people need to practice not filling every moment with conversation.
I guess you’re right…
ㅤ
ㅤ
ㅤ
Yes it’s normal to enjoy quiet time together. If you were out to dinner or something and she ignored you to look at her phone I would say she’s being rude.
Well, it wasn’t dinner, it was morning coffee, but everything else is the same. I guess it’s acceptable to be less talkative and more on the phone in the morning, judging by the replies
The difference between coffee and dinner is huge. Dinner is something most people like to enjoy communally, with discussions about the day or current events as expected. Coffee is something that a lot of people don’t even concentrate on- drinking it on their commute or while working. Further, a lot of people only feel equipped to deal with the world after having some coffee.
She’s not broken, she just has preferences (like everyone). If they don’t work with yours, that’s one thing, but if you can internalize that this isn’t an insult, there’s no reason for this to be a bigger thing.
She may have been enjoying the sounds outside, she may be an introvert and was recharging, she may have been thinking her own thoughts and wanted to finish, maybe the coffee had not finished doing it’s work - sometimes silence is not about being angry or feeling distant from someone. She did tell you she didn’t want to talk about anything. Maybe that’s why she got upset?
No, she was on her phone
It’s normal to want quiet time, especially if you’re spending a lot of time together. Constantly interacting can get exhausting, even if you love the person you’re interacting with.
Consider why you feel the compulsion to fill silence with words. Lots of people (especially these days, with the constant over-stimulation from media and devices) aren’t good at just… Being a person. Just existing without any particular purpose or reason. Simply being is uncomfortable for these people, so they feel the need to force interaction on whoever is around them as a distraction.
It’s no different than reaching for your phone the instant you start to feel bored. Even if you’re bored with your phone already, (already checked all your notifications, already tired of doomscrolling, etc,) it’s just peoples’ first reaction to being bored. Give me an easy distraction so I don’t need to think about how bored I am.
She was on her phone. I was just sitting there, I’m the one who tries to occasionally avoid my phone.
