::: Cw suicide
I’ve known since I was 14 I was trans, ended up just having to suffer till I was 20, finally started estrogen, but ever since than it’s just be disgust and disappointment, I realize my body is just gross and repulsive regardless, like my genetics are just cursed. On top of that I have to same usual dead end job, I’m consider the goofy, unattractive person in every single group. I hate it. Outside of people who feel bad for me everyone avoids me cause I’m socially awkward. On top of not even being able to afford my bills I’ve never had an actual relationship. I’m an ugly degenerate loser by every single metric. I think at 23 my best bet is to pull out my credit card, do some research into a common pistol and its uses, walk into an academy, an tell them which gun I want and for common use etc, than go that parking lot I picked outside of town and pull the trigger. I picked it specifically cause it’s empty, no one but first responders will find me. I just feel so horrible but I’ve been in pain so long I honestly feel :::
I’m a right to death advocate, even for this kind of situation. We should all have the right to decide the time and means of our death.
That being said, you’re still early in the HRT process. You’re essentially maybe a third of the way through puberty, depending on exactly what you call the end of puberty. And, of equal relevance, you may be experiencing a need for your treatment to be adjusted. Dosing needs can change through the process, leading to increased dysphoria and dysmorphia.
So, check with your providers to see if that’s at play here, assuming that you want to continue on but don’t see the eventual benefits coming soon enough. This could be a side effect, the self perception and ideation. Seems like it would be worth at least talking to whoever is monitoring the medical side of your transition.
Also, while I sure as fuck won’t give any guidance on what to do or how to do it, your plan isn’t a good one. Way too likely to end up making things worse for you. You have no familiarity with firearms, or you wouldn’t be considering the method you present here.