::: Cw suicide
I’ve known since I was 14 I was trans, ended up just having to suffer till I was 20, finally started estrogen, but ever since than it’s just be disgust and disappointment, I realize my body is just gross and repulsive regardless, like my genetics are just cursed. On top of that I have to same usual dead end job, I’m consider the goofy, unattractive person in every single group. I hate it. Outside of people who feel bad for me everyone avoids me cause I’m socially awkward. On top of not even being able to afford my bills I’ve never had an actual relationship. I’m an ugly degenerate loser by every single metric. I think at 23 my best bet is to pull out my credit card, do some research into a common pistol and its uses, walk into an academy, an tell them which gun I want and for common use etc, than go that parking lot I picked outside of town and pull the trigger. I picked it specifically cause it’s empty, no one but first responders will find me. I just feel so horrible but I’ve been in pain so long I honestly feel :::
I didn’t say it gets progressively better as you go through your 20s. The 20s is about trying things a an adult, making mistakes, sometimes suffering the consequences of those mistakes, but most importantly learning from them. Make no mistake that there are parts of your 20s that suck. As an example, its not unusual to have brushes with the legal system in your 20s. Those are very sobering.
I think that can be a natural reaction you feel that way. Your sample size is too small. Imagine watching a movie only 20% through then leaving the theater each time at the 20% mark. Movies would be very unsatisfying and so many of the plot points introduced would make no sense or have no relevance. You’d have some of the world building in the story, but not enjoy seeing how your understanding of that movie’s world play’s to the protagonists advantage. If you described your behavior to friends about leaving 20% into every movie, then being unsatisfied with the movie, they’d look at you like you’re crazy.
Don’t leave 20% through life. It gets exciting in the second act, and the big payoff is in the third act. Please hang around with us and see how it comes out.