One of my new friends is/was a cop. Just found out about it. I genuinely believe ACAB, and this news has me conflicted because my new friend seems really cool and super nice. I don’t know him super well yet, though. He’s a big part of this new friend group and I don’t know how to process this and how to deal with the fact he’s a cop.
I don’t want to look past the fact he’s a cop, but I want to stay his friend and stay in this friend group.
Any advice for dealing with this shit?
I can’t talk to my therapist about it until Thursday.
What you’re experiencing is cognitive dissonance. New information is clashing with your prior beliefs, leaving you with a choice: either update your beliefs or double down and lie to yourself even harder.
The thing is: which belief is the lie? Can cops not be bastards? Or is this guy not as nice as he appears to be?
That all cops are bastards.
How can you be so sure that’s the lie? Is that not just your own prior belief? Why do others need to evaluate their beliefs, but yours should only be doubled down on? Is that not cognitive dissonance?
There are tens of millions of cops around the world. The idea that not a single one of them is a good person is so statistically improbable that I’d bet my life on it being false.
Can you name another broad generalization that applies to every single member of that group without exception?
It’s not statistical probability. It’s cause and effect. All cops are bastards not because of luck, but because only bastards remain cops.
Ever heard the phrase “Nazi bar”? You let one nazi stick around, then more nazis come in and people who aren’t nazis have to either leave, be nice to the nazis, or put up with a lot of nazi attacks. Either way, the entire bar becomes full of nazis.
Law enforcement is a bastard bar. If you’re not a bastard, you leave. If you stay, you’re either a bastard, a bastard enabler, or you have a target on your back and won’t be a cop for long.
It’s a private club that is only open to bastards. If someone stays, it’s because the group decided they belong.
Oh yeah? You gonna open up to a cop? You gonna talk to him about stuff, maybe? You know, about that thing? What’s he gonna do? Is he gonna write it down later? What if he finds out about your association with a minority? Is he gonna arrest your friend because of something you let slip? Does he hide when his friends and family commit crimes? Can you trust a friend like that?
Because the fact he chose a bastard job makes him a bastard.
I feel bad for you. The imaginary world you live in must be really terrifying.
Where I live, there’s a strict screening process to become a cop. It requires a three-year education, and you need a college degree just to apply. There are far more applicants than available spots, so even many good candidates don’t make it in. Trust in the police is generally quite high among the population, they’re respected, and every time a firearm is used for example, it’s investigated thoroughly. Officers do face legal consequences when malpractice is discovered.
So, yeah, I’d hang out with a cop and talk to them about the same stuff I’d discuss with anyone else.
Oooooh, so your opinion is irrelevant everywhere else. Have fun with the leopards. I’m sure they won’t eat your face.
When you realize that the cop on the job and the person in their free time are 2 separate, almost independent, personalities, the cognitive dissonance goes away.
Uh no. That is exactly what cognitive dissonance IS.
No. If you want to correct someone, please be sure to know your definitions.
Cognitive dissonance is a process inside the observers mind. In this example it goes something like this: ‘I believe all cops are bastards’ vs. ‘I met a cop and he is not a bastard’ -> something doesnt match, thats the dissonance.
My sarcastic comment hinted at the person OP met not being a cop, but the flipside of a human that is a cop in their job and a completely different person in their freetime (like schizophrenics). This makes the second statement ‘I met a cop and he is not a bastard’ untrue and resolves the dissonance.
It is not cognitive dissonance to understand that people wear different masks around different people Your best friend can be nice to you while secretly abusing his family. Cop can treat others like subhumans, and still be nice to you. Still a bastard.