Assuming you’re in the US since you mention cost. I know therapy can be really hard to access, especially if you don’t have good insurance and/or aren’t close to an urban area. Your city or county may have mental health services like low cost therapy, or be able to give you referrals for it.

You do seem like you want to talk about it, I’m assuming anyway since you made this post. A good therapist that you vibe with is going to be someone you want to talk to just as much (if not more) than anyone on this post, and they’ll be able to bring up perspectives on your thoughts you hadn’t considered before.

You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to obviously, and if you live in a place with really terrible mental health services there’s not really anything you can do about that. But if the feelings you’re describing in your OP are something that’s upsetting you that you want to change, I’d encourage you to do what you can to try to access therapy.