Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian
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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:
Thinking about how I’ve been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.
That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.
Habits are things that they do without thinking.
They don’t have to decide to do them. They don’t have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they’ve done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.
That system…which I lack.
Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it’s been an active choice. I’ve had to devote thought and attention to it. It’s not a routine, it’s not a habit, it’s something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.
Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say “bless you” when someone sneezes,
It’s because I’ve had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.
It never gets easier.
Just more familiar.
It’s part of my struggle with my weight–exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.
I got lied to about how it would just “turn into a habit”. And blamed, when it didn’t.
Drinking water isn’t a habit. Feeding myself isn’t a habit. Bathing isn’t a habit.
I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.
And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?
ON TIME?
Uh… No. This suggests that NTs act like drones, without any thought. Like they’re sitting on the sofa, then they just get up, wander to the bathroom, brush their teeth, then get into bed and think “wow how did I get here hahaha what a habit, eh?”
ADHD is many things but it ain’t this.
Damn as a neurotypical person reading this it blows my mind. Yes, my habits are absolutely automatic, to the point I daydream through them. Am I just misunderstanding something or are you saying every adhd person struggles to form habits?
Jesus, that’s insane. Either I have 0 habits, or OP is right. Everything I do, I do “manually” , and have to put effort and thought into it.
Very few things are true for every person with a given neurodivergence. But this is one of the more (most?) common things that people with ADHD struggle with, some to a lesser, some to a greater extent.
It’s very common among autistic people and neurodivergent people in general, it’s called executive dysfunction. Essentially your brain has trouble both making and initiating plans. Every time I brush my teeth I have to remember to do it (this is not automatic, all my toothbrush stuff is set up as a visual cue any time I’m near the sink), focus on my task as I go to the bathroom so I don’t forget why I went there, remember to take my medicine first so that I don’t have to swallow them after brushing my teeth, floss, and brush.
The last two parts sound very simple (and they are, which is why this is so frustrating for many people), but sometimes I will stand in front of the bathroom sink for 5 or 10 minutes, knowing I need to brush my teeth, WANTING to brush my teeth, but it’s like whatever ‘go juice’ neurotypical people have a limitless supply of is just limited for me. Finally after standing there and psyching myself up I can do it, but it does take legitimate effort to initiate the process even if I follow through on all the parts smoothly. I couldn’t tell you exactly why this happens even though I can obviously recognize that it is happening, I kind of suspect it has to do with wonky sensory integration problems (common in ADHD and autistic people).
Ah, that sounds familiar. I don’t actively psyche myself up, but I’ll distract myself and procrastinate on it for like half an hour. Which always feels silly, when that task only takes ten minutes or so.
Reminder that this, like many things associated with ADHD, is normal for neurotypical people, too.
It tends to be more common or more pervasive for people with ADHD, but it isn’t exclusive to people with ADHD.
General tip: Whenever you see someone claim that a certain way of thinking is exclusive to people with ADHD, they’re most likely wrong.
Yes, that’s how habits work. They are mostly automatic.
No, that’s not how brushing your teeth, flossing, taking the time to exercise or drinking water works as those are not habits at all.
PS: Drinking water might be the exception. You might be able to create a habit out of it… by taking the concious choice to always make some water readily available…
I don’t think I have ADHD but that is the same with me.
Many ADHD traits are shared with neurotypicals. It’s when these things become an issue that most people seek help. Frequency, duration, intensity.
My point is more that, it seems that person got a misconception - that habits are somehow completely automated for neurotypical folks. To be automated a task has to be learned by cerebellum, then like riding a bike - you don’t have to actively think about it. Habits, seem to be too complex to be automated in that way.
I fail to see how this is not the case for everyone.
Absolutely no one has a habit of paying taxes. Or brushing their teeth.
I would argue that what you have is depression here, not adhd. You need help.
They weren’t claiming that people had a habit for paying taxes in general but that because nothing else is a habit they lack the energy to do the things that other people already consider draining when they had to spend so much on things that come naturally and in a way for free to others.
I would argue that brushing your teeth certainly seems to be habitual for most people. It’s something they’d do if they went through the bathroom routine in the morning while effectively still asleep. This person is saying that if they don’t effectively stand in the bathroom and look at the brush and decide “I will now brush my teeth.” they won’t do it, where someone else had grabbed the brush while thinking about what they need to get done later in the day.
Depression on the other hand would more likely manifest in a disregard for the necessity of the activity. This person says they do brush their teeth, they want to brush their teeth and they are ready to spend their existing energy on it.
A depressed person often would not be convinced that it matters, nor that they could even make themselves do it if they felt like they had to. Though naturally depression is expressed in many ways, as is any type of neurodivergence. It’s hard to put strong labels on these things. Nonetheless it seems sensible to differentiate on these things as most neurodivergence is simply a set of untypical phenomena and behaviour that have collected up enough to start becoming notable.
A person considered completely normal could suffer from the same but simply manage well enough for it to never stick out. No one is entirely normal.
Depression isn’t just amotivation, it can also be avolition despite having motivation
I’m sorry… What?
For neurotypicals… Habits are automated processes? Brains have that function built in?
On some days, it feels like I have to breathe and blink manually.
