like, if i’m feeling bad but force myself to do something, i usually feel better. how to maintain the usefulness of this advice without presenting it as ‘fuck your feelings’, in that usual arrogant right wing sort of way
In Swedish we say “Har du tagit Fan i båten, får du ro honom i land”.
In English it would be “If you put Satan in your rowboat, you’d better row him ashore.”
The English equivalent is “When you’re going through hell, keep going.”
My mantras are:
Just do it. 🗸 = stop overanalyzing, start with whatever action you can do right now
Always eat your dessert first. = start with the most enjoyable or easiest part of the task
Be someone else. = pretend it’s not you facing the tough situation but someone else who asked you to get them out of itWoah big disagree.
Furthest errand first.
Start with the vegetables.
Dessert first means nothing else is getting done
Vegetables first means I’m going to sit here and watch them wilt.
Dessert first means I’m actually doing the hardest part by far – which is to start.How would a vegetable wilt if you’ve eaten it? I think the metaphor is falling over.
This isn’t about starting at all, it’s about the order of tasks presuming you are ready to begin work
It would wilt cause I wouldn’t start eating it.
And this is about starting for me.
Really, that thinking should be a last resort instead of the default.
It’s ok to be vulnerable. It’s ok to ask for help. It’s ok to do or say nothing while you assess a situation as sometimes that is the best course of action.
It’s only when you have no options left and you must act that you actually need to take action alone. One might actually need time to process a trauma, or experience grief. And I would argue that the ability to be vulnerable with others is it’s own type of strength.
For instance, if you are noticing that you are getting depressed and are finding it hard to perform basic maintenance tasks for yourself. Instead of first trying to be strong and convince yourself to do it every time. Maybe it might be better to seek help for your depression.
True. “Suck it up” works in some occasions and in others it makes everything worse. It’s a terrible default approach to teach your children because they can end up never learning how to deal with stress in a healthy fashion.
The result is usually someone who builds up stress where other people don’t (and then acts accordingly) and who has absolutely no ability to comfort other people when they need it. Few parents want their children to be lonely assholes.
Of course it’s harder to teach someone nuance. Identifying when it’s okay to be vulnerable and when you need to tough it out by yourself is difficult. But if you’re not capable of both you’re lacking essential tools.
One thing that I have drawn strength from repeatedly in hard times was drilled into me by a great professor in undergrad (psychology):
You cannot experience personal growth without struggling; without hardship.
Think of the people who are sheltered from the real-world and then get a full dose of it and are unable to cope and preserve like others who had to grow up early.
I remind myself amidst struggles that I will be coming out on the other side a stronger and more capable person. It helps me to accept the shit on my plate and refuse to give up.
As a self-encouragement strategy, I agree, and often use the same trick.
maximum effort
time to nut up or shut up
never half-ass two things. whole-ass one thing.
There’s a bunch of colloquialisms that express roughly the same thing, as others have mentioned - take your pick.