Last time, I used: “Anybody need anything while I’m out?” and that went over well. May not make it through this surgery on Friday, so I turn to Lemmy for top-notch suggestions for my potential last words!
It’s pretty clear to me many people here have never either had general anesthesia or talked to anyone who had, you can’t really time funny one-liners right before you pass out.
Here’s how it works:
They’ll put a mask with a rubber tube in your mouth for oxygen, and tell you to relax and count back from 10, so you start counting impatiently(it’s boring, and there is nothing else to do), wondering when the surgery is going to start.
Ten.
Nine.
Eight.
Now the anesthesiologist is in front of you, checking on you to see if you’re OK. “But I haven’t finish counting down yet, when is the surgery going to start?” You ask them.
“It’s already over”, they explain.
Then you realize you are in a completely different room, the tube is no longer in your mouth, but you feel so weak you can hardly move, and the stitches/staples around your new surgery wound is starting to itch.
It’s like a segment of your life was cut out and erased into nothingness.
Hold your breath before the mask goes on then really quickly say “tennineeightsevensixfivefourthreetwoone”
Breath in, and then go “bet you I’m the first to…”
Pass out
I may be wrong, but I think the mask is just oxygen. What puts you under is the stuff they inject you.
(I know this is probably impossible, but it would be so funny)
Tell a knock knock joke, but only the first part. Don’t reveal the punchline, just pass out. So they work extra hard to keep you alive, because only then will they hear the punchline.
They won’t either way. You’ll wake up in a hospital room terribly confused and barely able to move. Most of the operating staff will not see you then.
Not a one-liner. You better start this one as soon as you’re rolled into the room.
My instructor was Mr Langley and he taught me to sing a song. If you’d like to hear it, I can sing it for you.
It’s called “Daisy”.
♪ Daisy, Daisy
♪ Give me your answer, do,
♪ I’m half crazy
♪ All for the love of you
♪ It won’t be a stylish marriage
♪ I can’t afford a carriage
♪ But you’ll look sweet
♪ Upon the seat
♪ Of a bicycle built for two.Hopefully, the anesthesiologist has seen 2001: A Space Odyssey. You’ll go down about halfway through.
The scene (spoilers for 2001) • Cleaner copy of the song to learn the melody from
No need to try for a computery voice, the oxygen mask will obfuscate it enough.“How do you keep a surgical staff in suspense?”
a surgical staff
That is not a group of medical professionals, that is a wizard’s stick with amputation powers!
“I’m aware that consciousness still exists under general anesthesia, but the brain is no longer capable of forming memories, so have fun stabbing me with knives, I’m actually going to feel it!”
But hang on, there’s an interesting topic. Is consciousness the current processing, or is it the memory (and perhaps something additional)? Since not all nerve signals arrive in the brain at the same time, consciousness provably isn’t immediate. Perhaps it’s the recent memory of what just happened?
Separately, is it still pain if you’re not conscious of it?
Doctors used to assert that babies didn’t feel pain, because 1) they couldn’t tell us about it, and 2) they didn’t remember it later. They would just not anesthetize babies. Of course, that endpoint of this line of reasoning is horrifying, but it’s still a fair question. When we say “pain” do we mean the firing of the nerves, or do we mean awareness of it?
To be fair, dosing babies with anesthesia is way more difficult, and there’s zero record of whether they have any drug allergies or intolerances
and there’s zero record of whether they have any drug allergies or intolerances
Nowadays, you can test for anesthetic drug resistances with DNA site testing, (as in, a blood test), though of course, this does not mean that it is always used, for various reasons.
A personal anecdote:
I’ve had one done after I had bad side-effects to ADHD medication I had tried, and I haven’t had any bad effects in the medications I’ve tried since. (besides drowsiness)
Edit: I want to say, I’m not saying that getting the dosage right is not incredibly difficult, I just wanted to mention that we can detect drug allergies without putting them under, (so to speak).
That’s good to know! I just swelled up for a week because my new dentist used a different kind of local anesthetic, so it was close to the front of my mind. That would have helped a lot
I had a very stodgy surgeon and I actually got a laugh out of him. He checked in with me pre surgery and as he was leaving said he would see me in the OR and I was like I hope I don’t see you (meaning I hoped the anesthesia worked). No one else got what I meant except for him and he had a genuine chuckle.
Good luck on the surgery OP
