I started uni 2014 and I’ve still yet to finish it because of life BS. Dealing with depression / ADHD has made finishing my degree seem impossible for me to do and I feel like an absolute failure everyday because of it. I wasted many semesters attempting clases and then dropping out when my grades weren’t good.
My parents both graduated by their early 20s and had me at 23; I’ll be 29 soon and I still live with them working at a Walmart to make ends meet and even with that I’m about to be fired for poor performance. I feel depressed being there because I was given everything in life to be successful and yet I wasted my 20s away being depressed / suicidal. All of my friends all have graduated long ago and have better jobs and I get envious seeing them being successful. All I think about is splattering my brains all over the wall.
I don’t have a plan to follow, every day I’m just hating myself for wasting my best years over stupid shit instead of focusing.
After 2 Years of ritalin, those kind of regrets and feelings subside, and I had them all my life.
I guess my perception of self worth changed.
I tried to be successfull, because i didnt know what it felt like to feel good about myself.
It’s a thing like learning the guitar, being really giid at it, but you don’t have to show it to your frineds, you just do it for yourself.
So, that with the guitar happened to me.
The first thing is to get rid of depression. In my case, i tried lots of things. lots and lots.
I always hoped:
“I do the thing X, AND THEN I’LL BE SUCCESSFULL, from then on, i will function like other people!”
But that was never ever the case.
Only thing that helped was ritalin, and learning to let it all go, slowly, you will fuind things you are good at.
In my case, I started with my adhd diagnosis. then i got good at selling car parts and playing the guitar. dropped the car parts thing though, i am outstandingly good at it, but still not able to deal with people.
oh, i guess i was suicidal for twenty years… on and off.