I don’t know how to express or articulate my thoughts and my vocabulary and grammar gets messed up the more I write so I will just write simply.
What I’m trying to say is that every day or hour or minute or everytime you think, you feels like your original selves is dying. I know that we are constantly growing but i just can’t stop thinking that whenever we grow or learning new things or start to think differently, our past selves is dead. I think back to my past selves in middle school, highschool and from 2022 and think, aren’t they dead? No matter what i do or think or whatever happens to me, i can’t bring back the personalities or "me"s from the past. They remain dead and continue to being dead. Unless they are exist in another timeline or universe.
What exactly is identity, consciousness or the self which is me? I don’t know nor understand but this idea just stuck in my mind and occasionally appears when I’m bored, stressed or relaxed.
For the feeling part, I’d get a psychologist and psychiatrist involved earlier rather than later if it’s a strong persistent feeling. Maybe the symptoms of ‘derealization’ or ‘depersonalization’ are a match or could help you articulate further.
Does it really matter whether or not you view your past selves as dead? None of us can revisit the past, so it isn’t like you have some kind of unique disadvantage in life. I don’t view my past self as dead at all. I remember whatever my brain interpreted as important enough to hold onto over time and that influences my decisions in the present and will continue on into the future, so in some ways past me is still capable of influencing current me. I see no reason to declare my past as dead. It’s all incorporated into who I am, but ultimately the way I categorize my past self (live or dead or something else) is irrelevant. I can’t do anything about my inability to revisit the past, so why worry so much about it in the first place?
