I met a girl in art school and lost track of her for a few years. During the pandemic we found each other again. He was trans now, identified as a male and had massive anxiety and body-image related problems.
It was so bad, that he stayed at home for weeks, only ordered food and basic needs online and got an instant panic attack when leaving the house.
I dragged him out to various events and spent time with him as much as possible for almost two years. It helped him get back on his feet.
As soon as he was able to handle his life without my help again and met another guy, he ghosted me.
That hurt a lot, but I would do it again. I still remember visiting him one day and he just started cutting into his arm in front of me because of his mental issues, it was really brutal. I would’ve felt like an absolute asshole if I left right then and there, even if the outcome wasn’t positive for me in the end.
I hope he’s doing well now and maybe one day realizes that he shouldn’t have treated me the way he did. I don’t want gratitude, but an apology would be nice.
Gave some advice to a female coworker of mine who was a few years younger than me (we worked in a restaurant and were 25 and 18 or smth). She was in love with her housemate and wasn’t sure if it was mutual, afraid of losing the friendship, a classic. Talked for a while and it was pretty clear to me from what I heard that it was mutual. Talked her into taking the lead and they’ve been together for years now.
When I first started my career, I was in a new town and looking for friends. I met this guy, and we started hanging out. It was cool, we had a lot in common and spent many days playing video games together and hanging out at the local stores. He told me his anxiety was so bad that he dropped out of high school, didn’t have any other friends, was still living with his parents, and couldn’t really hold down a job. We had some deep conversations about these things, trying to work through the whys and things he could do to get over them. One day, he told me that he really appreciated our friendship, and that it helped him get over some of his anxiety and basically feel worthy as a person. He eventually started hanging out with other people too, and even got a girlfriend. Eventually, he went on to get his GED (turns out it was easy, he just didn’t have the confidence to try), is going to community college, moved out of his parents, and has a job he enjoys in his field of study already. I moved away, and we don’t talk as much as we used to, but last I heard he was doing great. I don’t feel like I did much, just hanging out with a friend, but I’m glad I was a part of getting his life moving in the right direction.
As someone who’s been in a position like your friend, you did more than you realize. Sometimes we need someone to help us open that door, and help push us through.
It’s hard to tell yourself you’re okay, that you can make it through, because you’re dealing with those feelings directly, all of their intensity, it can feel like a constant battle with yourself. When there’s someone else, though, someone who sees all this and still makes you feel normal, it gives you ground.
A small moment of making someone feel genuinely valued, be it as a friend, a partner, or just another valid existence in this world, can be a bigger help than some people know.
I mentoured some jr devs and some apprentices. You end up learning quite a bit about yourself, your industry, and your straighths and weaknesses pretty quickly doing so. Telling someone, “well that just what worked” is not good enough.
At my last job I got several thank you notes from people who were leaving for better positions. They credited my coaching them with their success. Most were pretty sharp on their own so I’m not so sure I contributed all that much but it was nice that they thought of me.
