I think seeing how fast many people turn into people they would not have liked when they were younger. It’s probably part of growing up but many people seem to not remember what they wanted to do better than their parents.
This is painful. My wife’s friend turned into her (wife’s) mother, the person who she previously claimed she most hated. In this individual’s case it’s that when she had kids she stopped caring about doing better.
For me it was the opposite. I remember one day, when i had only one very young child, that i sounded like my mother.
That was the incentive to turn it around. It was hard work and there was no internet yet to give me advice.
Also, when my kids were in their teens i found it very helpful when i read a brochure about triple p parenting. I could not join them for a course, but the tip that changed a lot was; complimenting my kids instead *for good behavior *of berating them when they did something that was not ‘good’.
The results were really good and i felt happier in the process, because it was much nicer to compliment my kids instead of hearing yourself being annoyed when they did something ‘bad’.
No, i started focusing on the things they did well, instead of focusing on the negative. It’s quite easy to only see which behavior is not acceptable and focus on that.
But if kids do something positive, it’s easy to take it for granted, instead of for instance complimenting them.
In other words, my perspective changed.
If i look at my parents; they were always punishing me and if i behaved in a way they liked, they would say nothing, because that is the way i had to be. So, in their eyes it was normal to behave and that did not need to be complimented. So, their focus was exclusively on punishment, no rewards.
Hope this makes a bit more sense (not a native speaker either)
I think seeing how fast many people turn into people they would not have liked when they were younger. It’s probably part of growing up but many people seem to not remember what they wanted to do better than their parents.
This is painful. My wife’s friend turned into her (wife’s) mother, the person who she previously claimed she most hated. In this individual’s case it’s that when she had kids she stopped caring about doing better.
For me it was the opposite. I remember one day, when i had only one very young child, that i sounded like my mother. That was the incentive to turn it around. It was hard work and there was no internet yet to give me advice.
Also, when my kids were in their teens i found it very helpful when i read a brochure about triple p parenting. I could not join them for a course, but the tip that changed a lot was; complimenting my kids instead *for good behavior *of berating them when they did something that was not ‘good’. The results were really good and i felt happier in the process, because it was much nicer to compliment my kids instead of hearing yourself being annoyed when they did something ‘bad’.
Edited to add a clarification, in italics
I’m not sure I get it, maybe because I’m not a native speaker. So you said something like ‘Great job buddy, that was very much not good!’?
No, i started focusing on the things they did well, instead of focusing on the negative. It’s quite easy to only see which behavior is not acceptable and focus on that. But if kids do something positive, it’s easy to take it for granted, instead of for instance complimenting them. In other words, my perspective changed.
If i look at my parents; they were always punishing me and if i behaved in a way they liked, they would say nothing, because that is the way i had to be. So, in their eyes it was normal to behave and that did not need to be complimented. So, their focus was exclusively on punishment, no rewards.
Hope this makes a bit more sense (not a native speaker either)
Thanks that makes a lot more sense. I try to strike a balance, but focusing on the positive sounds gold. I’ll give it a try.