Almost all my life I’ve absolutely despised children. Pretty much from the moment I stopped being a child I’ve hated being around children.
It doesn’t even matter what the child is doing. Whether they’re laughing and having fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum. The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.
I’ve had to leave social gatherings/restaurants/grocery stores all because if I’d stayed I’d have made a complete ass of myself by screaming at a child just for existing.
It’s even worse with infants which makes me feel horrible because I know they can’t help it. I know the kids don’t know any better and it’s our job as adults to get them through childhood, but my blood boils when they get loud or demand attention.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Is there anything I can do to stop from getting so angry?
The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.
Yeah, that’s actually a thing for some people to various degrees.
It’s called misophonia
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24460-misophonia
I had it for high pitched sounds as well, went on Beta Blockers for migraines and it fixed this as well.
The noises are triggering your adrenal response and your body is screaming at you that the noise has to stop and it doesn’t matter what it takes. Beta blockers block adrenaline, so now noises that used to set me on edge are just normal noises to me.
I think one of the current hypothesis is that it might be close to a sound that would attract predators, but sometimes wires get crossed and you have the reaction to a random noise.
Most commonly it’s people hating the sound of others chewing.
Therapy. It’s clear this is causing you problems in your life. And that’s exactly what therapy is for.
I’m in the same boat as you. I’ve traced it back to my own childhood trauma via therapy.
After 5 years of therapy, which obviously didn’t just focus on this, but was related, I have found that I can now sometimes tolerate children. So long as they don’t interact with me etc.
I still can’t really stand them, but I don’t have to literally remove myself from their presence immediately, which is much more socially acceptable at least.
the moment I stopped being a child
There was probably a moment when you decided to dislike the “child part” of yourself.
Normal people start being a grown-up, but do not totally turn away from that “child part”. It is still there. It is always there. It is a normal part of a normal life.
Try to make amends with that part of yourself, and allow it to resurrect in you.
The more of these comments I read the more I’m starting to realize it’s because I wasn’t allowed to be that loud kid.
The moment I started getting loud whether happy or sad I just got punished.
Resentment through jealousy I suppose. Looks like I have some things to think about
Sounds like you are onto something.
But it might not (only) be jealousy, might also be that you internalized what you where taught: Kids that are noticable are bad.
This might also be pretty subcouncious.
Have some yourself. That’s what worked for me.
