I’m in my mid-50s and have struggled my whole life with crushing depression, paralyzing anxiety, and a pretty bad case of barely-medicated ADHD. I’m also just a person on the internet rather than your mental health professional, so these are barely guidelines. They are, however, decent guidelines on staying healthy and motivated longer.

As @ProbablyBaysean@lemmy.ca said: absolutely stabilize your sleep. The technical term for it is “sleep hygiene.” Find what works and that is your sacred ritual. Sleep hygiene takes lots of different shapes for everyone. For example, mine are:

• a super consistent sleep schedule of 7.5 hours
• same time to bed and wake every day, even weekends
• completely dark, cool room
• sunrise alarm clock
• no screens an hour before bedtime, unless it’s to read a book

You’ll need to find your own rhythms and what works. Don’t discount afternoon naps.

Ditto ProbablyBayesean’s suggestions on exercise and nutrition. We who struggle with mental health are utterly sick of hearing that, but in 100% of my travels, experiences, and social circle, it applies. We humans are evolved to move, a lot. And rest a lot. Even if it is just going for walks. A walk outside does wonders. So many people discount the restorative effects of a hard workout with a corollary recovery period.

Also, pay close attention to the effects of any foods on your mental state. You need to find out what that is for you. For example, most western diets, especially the Standard American Diet, are skewed towards Omega-6 and -9 EFAs, with too little Omega-3. The deleterious effects of this imbalance are well studied (ref: “Hacking of the American Mind” and “Sugar” by Robert Lustig, an endocrinologist). I called out EFAs, but it really applies to everything you put in your face. The difference in, say, a pastured-raised chicken vs a CAFO chicken are like… why these even called the same thing?!

Lustig also goes into great depth on the neurochemical differences between happiness and contentment (again underscoring ProbablyBayesean). It’s important to identify the differences and their effects on your brain. Modern society absolutely tweaks our brains to equate happiness with contentment. This is doubly hard for people who have been abused, especially if chronically abused. They are not the same, and it becomes especially clear when one reads about the neurological differences.

I’ll add one more that works for me and is a common exercise for a lot of mood dysregulation disorders: keep a gratitude journal. Write in it every morning, even just five minutes. Doesn’t have to be a lot, doesn’t have to be fancy. The gratitude exercise has something about the brain being unable to hold gratitude at the same time as negative emotions. But, for reasons I haven’t bothered to look into, it does need to be written. I initially tried keeping mine in digital format and things just didn’t stick. My bullshitspiration is there is some mind-body connection that occurs when handwriting out the entries. I find there is an added bump in my contentment in writing with my favorite pen (had it for 44 years) and using a notebook with really nice paper. But maybe I’m just weird like that.

Finally, but critically: meditation. I wish I learned earlier. I dismissed it as woo BS for far too long. It’s like a workout for your brain. There are tons of woo and non-woo resources on how to meditate. To start out, you only need a quiet place to sit for less than five minutes. Hand-in-hand with meditation is mindfulness: being in this moment. It’s hard, but it gets easier with practice. Again, so much of modern society is always trying to steal your focus and attention. You can practice mindfulness anywhere, any time. For example, brushing your teeth. Try being in the moment, noticing how the toothbrush feels in your mouth, how the toothpaste tastes, the sounds. And mindfulness grows from there. You suddenly find lots of things you do wherein you were acting mindlessly (in the psychology context).

Hope that helps.

Edit to add: get down pat your daily dances and rhythms. For example, maybe Thursday night is your laundry day. Solidify that, and it’s now your weekly ritual. Maybe you like the look of a clean kitchen in the morning (don’t underestimate how much dirty/cluttered spaces tax your brain); clean the kitchen after dinner. Your daily kit and life maintenance should be muscle memory; these are the critical tasks to your day-to-day life and you should be able to do them blind and with a broken leg*. Shit like your wallet, keys, and phone, grabbing the lunch you packed, morning stretches, evening physical therapy exercises… These dances and rhythms might not keep depression from rising up, like it do. But having all that shit be daily muscle memory keeps a bout of depression from becoming a deeper hole from which you must extricate yourself.

*Not an exaggeration. People who crew on my boat have to be able to find the radio, EPIRB, their PFD, and maneuver around the first aid kit. We all drill that blindfolded with an alternating leg tied up.

Number 1 stabilize sleep (go to bed at the same time every day and wake up without an alarm) you can use otc remedies like Tylenol pm and melatonin to help you start this habit.

Number 2 look at other things like nutrition, hydration, and exercise to get them to average

Number 3 happiness and meaningful Ness are not the same thing. Having kids makes you suffer more and become less happy, but you often feel your life is more meaningful. So ask yourself what cause is worth sacrificing happiness to? Then start doing it. Soon your happiness set point will adjust to include this meaningful Ness perspective and being unhappy won’t feel tiring

I like looking at the clouds and thinking as if they are my thoughts. The are constantly moving and changing… I can ruminated on them and repeat them or I can let them float away and disperse.

Ime it helps to not use social media…

Also reading keeps my mind distracted… That is if I can overcome the add/depression long enough to get enthralled. Reading does something to distract my brain that listening to music or watching media can’t.

Alcohol is very bad for depression.

The deep exhaustion from being alive and trying to keep up on top of it is so real. At your age it was probably the worst for me too, especially during a time where so many relationships are so temporary. It’s hard.

It sounds like you need a break. Like just, a week to breathe, where you don’t have to worry and everything is stable. I have no idea how that can actually be done, but if you can manage even a day of that and get a taste you might have a sense if it’ll help you feel better.

Sounds like you might need a breather from the guy too - if he’s really your friend he’ll understand you taking space to heal before coming back. It’s scary but you can ask your friends to vent in small amounts, that way you have consent and you have confirmation that they love you and want to be there for you(!!). You can ask them to do the same too, if you don’t already. Sometimes being there for others (how you can) can help you feel grounded.

Sit outside for 20 minutes on a nice day, grab your favorite drink or snack, have a healthy-ish meal, and write in a journal or draw. Wash your face and put on clean clothes instead of stressing about a full shower. These are by no means cures, but they can be tiny reprieves from the tiredness.

Understand that happiness is an emotion, not a permanent condition. It will come and go. Take things day by day, and with each little step you will make more progress than you did before.

Know that you’re not alone and that loneliness you feel is normal (especially for your age, and especially with depression). We’ve been there, too. Taking the steps to reach out and ask is something to be proud of. You’re doing great 🩵 wishing you some relief in the meantime.

Get together with your friends on a week long camping trip and take a bunch of Golden Teacher.

If you’d like to vent to a stranger, my inbox is always open.