You know the type, probably a good father or worker, but serious faced all the time, never smiles, often in a bad mood, very cynical. It’s just I feel like I’m on the path to this, I’m 28, just escaped 12 years of food service so I’m already super cynical and if someone comes up to me, I’m super ready to shut down whatever’s about to happen. I feel like working with customers for years I’ve learned to have giant walls up and I can’t seem to remove them. I see the other guys in the factory I’m working at laughing and joking all the time, I think of myself as funny but it’s always deadpan humor and I wish I could genuinely smile and laugh and make friends with the other guys. Any old timers or well travelers out there have any advice?
I might understand how you feel. Opening up is a good first step. But after that? I don’t know. What steps to take and how long your path will be… no one knows.
Whenever anxiety tries to take controll of me… whenever i am angry at my own progress, i think about a little story:
A man takes a morning-walk on the beach. During the night there was a terrible storm, spreading tousands of seastars over the sand. He sees a woman trying to bring the seastars back to the water.
He walk up to her and asks: “why are you even doing this? You will just save a few, but the majority will die when the sun rises.”
She bend down to pick one seastar up and throws it into the ocean. “Maybe. But this one i have saved.”
Changing is hard and often feels pointless. The only thing we can do is doing things step by step.
Join a men’s group. Nothing else in my life has softened my face more.
What is a men’s group? Can you elaborate
Sort of like a cross between group therapy and a mastermind group. Mostly we just check in which whatever’s good or bad going on, how it makes us feel. There’s a focus on minimizing the details and sticking to what things feel like right here and now, as a way of getting in tune with what feelings are present.
I had no idea this was true, but I couldn’t identify which feelings I was feeling. I only expressed, and allowed myself to identify, emotions that matched who I was in my story.
Now I feel my actual literal emotions. Directly. It’s made it so much easier to make life decisions. And I feel a lot less out of place in life. I actually feel like part of humanity now.
Sounds fantastic. Is there an organization for such groups? I’ve never heard of them before.
Maybe apart from masonic lodges…