I feel like the idea that women are otherworldly creatures instead of people and seeing someone being nice to their partner as “the man having tamed a female and convinced her to treat him well” has a lot to do with his problem.
I hate how much that is preserved socially, there’s no good reason why that hasn’t gone away at least a decade or two ago.
Totally agree. I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years now, and it most definitely didnt involve me trying to tame her 🤣
It was just luck to meet. We both liked each other. That’s literally it.
The important feat is making yourself into a person that the other person would like to have in their life and makes their life better.
Yeah, seeing them as a person seems like a crucial part in that equation.
You started with “pspspspsps” and some snacks and you know it
Don’t forget the flowers
It’s learned helplessness. Once they get rejected 15 times in a row for being a weirdo or something similar, they start to think in that instead of either reflecting back on the experience and trying to be better, or looking elsewhere.
Simply going from zero self improvement to nonzero may not be enough. That’s why we call a situation like this a hole. A person in a hole needs to climb to get to ground level.
well yeah i get how you can start doubting yourself after that. sad as fuck.
Anon imagining a giant, insurmountable gap between his life and his coworker’s life is a huge part of the problem.
He has a job, goes to the gym and apparently he is able to experience emotions. Also, a seemingly well-adjusted person inviting him home immediately suggests he is able to make a good and trustworthy impression.
He can jump the gap easily, he just doesn’t know it, so he’s timidly staring to the other side and imagining what it must be like to live there.
If you think you’re flawed, unattractive and unworthy of love, you can easily remain untouched way into your adult life, just by sabotaging yourself.
Let’s be honest here, given that we have a partial, biased peek into anon’s life, there could be a myriad of reasons that make that apparently small gap a far more serious problem. He may have a notoriously ugly face or body, he may suffer from heavy anxiety at the tought is becoming intimate with another person as a result of trauma, he may have atypical nonverbal communication, he may not want to form a connection with someone he doesn’t really have much in common with, he might be a mysoginist. These possibilities would limit his options a lot, and looking for someone when you’re supposedly doing everything right but still having so much trouble is painful.
If not saying Anon shouldn’t look for tools to actually find a partner if he wants to put in that effort, but that we shouldn’t underestimate his difficulties.
Also, maybe he has body dismorphia which destroys his self confidence and therefore limits his contact to women even more.
Sadly I can relate to anon.
What’s a “khv wizard”?
Kissless handholdless virgin. Basically “never been kissed, never held hands, never had sex.” There’s a running internet joke that if you’re still a virgin by the age of 40, you get rewarded with wizard powers.
30
I have quite a bit of sympathy for this man. Never being loved or touched makes for a broken mind. As repugnant it is to say I’m relieved he turned his misery into self hatred rather than anger to those around him. Hopefully he will either find someone or ages out of the desire for romantic companionship thus ending his turmoil.
What the fuck are you talking about. Self hate is surely not helpful for anything and definetly not for finding people that like you or turing into a decent person. smh
Self hate can go three ways: deterioration, motivation, or repression.
Deterioration is the worst outcome for the individual. Self hate becomes learned helplessness which can cripple a person’s mental state.
Motivation is usually the most productive. Using that self hatred as a starting point to address personal issues. The original author stated they were going to the gym on the regular, considering what they wrote I would conjecture self hatred might be the motivation there.
Repression varies in harm to an individual. You either accept and move on about negative aspects about yourself or you ignore them outright. It’s the bottling up of negativity, not addressing the underlying issues. This is the way some people handle criticism, which can be disastrous for society when powerful people keep adopting this method.
Now to address your statement about self hatred not being helpful for finding someone or becoming a decent person; not processing negative emotions isn’t healthy and a girlfriend isn’t going to be a magic fix for the author to be happy.
Nice long paragraph. First you tell the reader that self hate has three different outcomes without any backup for your presumptuous claims and then you want them to take the rest at faith value too. Thats asking a little bit too much.
There are many sources for motivation and i would dare claim self hate is not motivating anyone. Overcoming self hate might give you motivation but thats the key aspect. Its like saying being poor or starving are good motivations. No they are not. Getting better is.
Your whole wall of text sounds like something a mediocre motivation guru would tell people on youtube. If you ask me, you are talking out of your ass, maybe because you overcame your own self hate (which i very much hope).
If you would tell me you struggle with self hate i would tell you to get help. Professional if you can manage.
How come such people don’t understand that they might need help, professional help?
Is it shame or they don’t understand there might be a serious problem?
I think a lot of them don’t believe therapy can change anything about their situation.
They don’t think it has anything to do with their mental health. They believe that them being lonely, unwanted and unworthy of love is just the natural state of things and all they can do is learn to cope with it. And as long as they can function and get by most days, that’s as good as it will ever get for them. So in their logic, therapy makes no sense because there’s nothing to improve.
